“Write a thank you note to a friend who gave you onion and garlic-flavored chewing gum.”
My dearest Becky,
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for the savory treat of mastication that you have bestowed upon me. Never in my twenty-five years on this planet did I think that I would enjoy the process of befouling my breath with the taste of onion and garlic, without filling my stomach with unnecessary calories and gorging. No longer will I be subjected to the struggle of finding manners in which to politely conclude conversations brought on by unpalatable individuals, as my fetid breathe should suffice as a deterrent for both unwanted conversation, as well as potential suitors! Your pungent gift will serve a great purpose, and I thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Yours truly, with little sarcasm,