[In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt | Transformation]
Makeup was never something that I was particularly passionate about. I’ve never been the type to run out and get the latest, new products, from the top brands, and spend hours dolling myself up… mostly because I’ve always lacked the finances, as well as the skill. I know, I know, practice makes perfect. But, I’ve never really had the drive to practice. It was never a necessity in my life to be able to do a perfect cat eye, or how to line my lips perfectly, or learn how to apply blush in accordance with my face shape… I guess I just never cared enough.
Or something.
My history with makeup, like most other peoples’ has been frought with horrible, horrible mistakes. Wearing concealer as foundation, wearing foundation two shades darker (or lighter) than my skin tone, wearing heavy eyeliner and looking like a raccoon… I even once mistook a concealer shaped like a lipstick for actual lipstick, and wore it the whole day at school… no one bothered to correct me on my flesh-colored lips. When I got home, my mom laughed. Hysterically.
No one ever taught me how to do my makeup, and I never had any other female role models in my life other than my mother… and she wasn’t really much for beauty and fashion. YouTube, and online tutorials, did not really exist in the late 90’s and super early 2000’s, so I would find myself digging through my mom’s stash of Mary Kay sample makeup bits, trying to find colors I liked, and just going for it… there were more failures and successes. For sure.
By the time I was a senior, I had given up on makeup entirely. I just didn’t wear any. I didn’t wear any in college either. It wasn’t until I moved out here, to Illinois, that I felt like I had something to prove, and had to impress those around me. Unfortunately, I still had a very basis knowledge of makeup, and mostly stuck to concealer for covering pimples, black pencil eyeliner, and waterproof mascara.
No eyeshadow.
No brow shaping.
No lip color.
No blush.
No foundation.
No contouring and highliting.
No… well, anything.
Trends changed, and kids and teens started looking 10 years older, and runway ready. Feeling defeated, and intimidated, I gave up makeup again in 2013, just after meeting my now-husband. When I got pregnant, I used makeup here and there, just to make me feel better about my ever changing, pregnany body, but gave it up entirely when my son was born. I didn’t have the time, energy, or money anyway.
I fell behind on the trends. Perfect eyeliner application, contouring, what colors worked best for skin tones, tools, tips, tricks, etc. Despite struggling with acne for most of my teenage and adult life, I didn’t feel the need to try and conceal it anymore, because, on top of concealer, you seem to need 10 other products and tools to actually HIDE the problem, otherwise, you accentuate it. I decided that no color or makeup style could possibly be flattering with my partially hooded eyes, shiny, acne prone skin, and thin lips… well, nothing within my price range anyway.
I felt that feeling of total defeat until very recently. Despite my love or vibrant red lipstick, black eyeliner, filled-in brows, and rosy cheeks, I avoided all of it like the plague, for fear that it would make me look uglier than how I already felt I looked. And then, out of nowhere, something inside me changed.
I decided that I’m done feeling ugly. I’m done feeling plain. I’m done feeling like everyone but me can pull off the looks I adore. I’m done feeling scared to try new things, for fear that someone out there, a total stranger, might think it looks bad on me.
I bought my first bright red lipstick a few weeks ago, and I’ve been wearing it at least once a week. I love it. I love how it makes me feel. Confident. I love how it has pushed me to be adventurous with experimenting with eyeshadows, and eyeliner, and colors other than “nudes”. I’ve also been trying out new ways to transform my straight, limp hair into something… well, better. I even bought a pretty dress that fit me correctly, in all the right places. I am starting to feel pretty, for the first time in a very, very long time. Transformed.
And I love it.
Thanks for reading, friends.
Jan
My Life as Jan 