Another Long, Stressful Silence

Hello, friends. I don’t even know where to begin. Aside from the sneaky post I made yesterday, while I was throwing a pity party for myself, I haven’t written anything in… well, months. Things have happened. Lots of things. Mostly bad things.

And, honestly, I really don’t know where to start. This post is going to be a cluster of updates, pictures, and bullshit that I need to get out of my brain, before I explode.

Let’s go back to August. Since I don’t remember all the details from the past two months, I’ll just stick to the big things. In ate August, we learned that one of the companies that Kyle worked for was closing his store, and that he only had about two months of work left in that store. He had been working about 80 hours a week between his two jobs, and we were in an okay place financially, so we took the news well. He didn’t make any plans to look for a second job, since he still had his main job, and we were comfortable.

Cut to September. In early September, after years of working nonstop without a vacation, Kyle cashed in his vacation hours at his main job, and took a week and a half off to spend time with us. We were all excited. We planned a two-day garage sale, a visit to a local fair, a zoo trip, a science museum trip, and more.

Well, due to bizarre weather (rain half of the time, and extreme heat the other half), we only managed to complete two things on our list, which wasn’t that bad, because even those two things left us all emotionally and physically exhausted.

On Friday (the 8th), we spent an entire day hauling tons and tons of toys, clothes, books, movies, electronics, and decor items to Kyle’s mom’s house. We cleaned up her garage a bit, and found some more stuff to sell for her. Then, we spent hours setting it all up, and pricing everything. On Saturday and Sunday, we had our garage sales, which lasted the ENTIRE day on both days.


On Saturday, Liam and I manned the sale alone, because Kyle and his mom went to get mother/son tattoos. It was his mom’s treat, as an early birthday present. They came out SO cute, and they love them. Mrs. Potts and Chip from Beauty and the Beast. Kyle’s is on his forearm, hers is on her leg.
I wish I could say we made a lot of money, but between buying breakfast, lunch, and dinner for ourselves on both days, and gas money… we barely broke even. We still have an insane amount left to sell, but this upcoming weekend, Kyle’s mom is doing another sale, along with his aunts, so we are going back down to help out, and to hopefully sell some more.

Then, on Monday (the 11th), we made a two hour road trip u to Madison, Wisconsin to visit the Henry Vilas Zoo. Let me tell you guys, it was fantastic. If any of you live in Wisconsin, or even a few hours away, it is absolutely worth the trip. The zoo is completely free (aside from food, train rides, and other special things), and it is a very impressive zoo! I didn’t have particularly high expectations, because I am so used to going to the St. Louis Zoo, which is, well, amazing… but I was so surprised. We spent about four hours at the zoo, and had an amazing time. We saw every animal (except for an elusive porcupine), and Liam was in heaven. I highly recommend it!


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Liam’s favorite animals were the prairie dogs and the giraffes! They also have an amazing play area and petting zoo, which he loved.

We also had plans to visit the children’s museum in Madison, but it was closed for renovations, so we decided to try the science museum on the university campus. Unfortunately, school had just started back up, and it took us 20 minutes of driving in circles just to find the building, and there was NO parking available within two miles… there were kids on bikes and scooters everywhere. It was insane. So, we gave up, and decided to head back home, which was fine, since we were all pretty tired… and sunburnt.

The rest of his vacation was pretty uneventful. We spent a lot of time playing outside at the park, and even went to a nearby farm and pumpkin patch to see some farm animals, pick out a tiny pumpkin and some treats, and play around on the rides. We’ll probably be going back sometime soon. We’ll see.


We did some shopping, too, but mostly, Kyle just wanted to relax at home.

Then, vacation ended. And everything went from great, to awful.

(Prepare for lots of reading, ranting, and no more cute pictures… Feel free to skip to the TLDR summary at the bottom.)

I woke up on the following Monday morning to the sound of Liam giggling in his room. I went to get him, and found Kyle in his room, changing his diaper. I asked him what he was doing home, since he was supposed to go back to work that morning, and he told me he didn’t want to talk about it. Worried, I pressed him, until he told me that he had been fired from his main job.

Just like that.

Apparently, his boss accused him of using the company gas card inappropriately, and fired him on the spot. Just like that, you guys. No warning, no investigation… just like that.

Now, a little backstory. His boss is an asshole. None of the guys working there like him. They’ve all reported him anonymously over the years, Kyle included, for not doing his job, and for borderline harassment. Some of the higher up guys were trying to get him fired, because he is just awful. Always passing off his work to the lesser paid drivers, and messing with routes and schedules… but nothing was ever done about it.

Needless to say, Kyle was NOT abusing the company gas card. His boss had copies of all of his receipts, and even though there was no proof, he still made the claim, and fired him.

I told Kyle to fight back, but he didn’t. He just gave up, which was so frustrating, but that’s just how he is. He just takes the abuse, and never confronts the problem.

After he was fired, he opened his hours back up at his other job. Now, mind you, this store was closing soon. He started working open to close shifts every day of the week. He worked three weeks straight, without a day off, and racked up a ton of overtime. He didn’t see Liam for a week at a time, and it was really, really hard on all of us.

The store closed on October 1st, but Kyle stayed to help with the demolishing and takedown, to earn a little extra money. Since he’s been working nonstop, I’ve been updating his resume, drafting cover letters, and applying to anywhere and everywhere within a 45 mile radius with decent pay. Mostly warehouse and labor work, but there have been some sales positions that would suit him.

The problem is, we live in a poor area. Really poor. The only places around here are farms, warehouses, and trucking companies. The only other options are retail and fast food. Now, we aren’t big spenders, but due to some recent car repairs, on top of our monthly car payment, a few credit card payments, and Kyle’s monthly medical expenses… a minimum wage job will have us filing for bankruptcy within months. And living on the street.

Kyle has been trying to get his Class A CDL for over two years now, but something always comes up and sets us back. He finally found a way to get it, but he will still need to be working to pay the bills until he can get it.

Oh, and we’re trying to move. Still. I’ve had to talk to the police TWICE now about our upstairs neighbors (long story, but they are so fucking awful), and our rental company and landlord have been getting really bitchy with me, because we keep complaining to them about all of the issues we’ve been having.

You know, like rats in our ceilings, screaming neighbors, exploding pipes, the smell of gas in the building’s hallway, holes in our walls and ceilings caused by THEIR maintenance guy… all things that are 100% their job to fix, but they just don’t want to. I’ve been compiling a collection of proof, and a paper train of their negligence, so that we can break our lease and get the hell out of here, but there’s nowhere for us to go.

We’ve been trying to move to Maine, but finding a two bedroom apartment that doesn’t cost $1,000 a month (or more), has been so hard. So, we’re looking into houses in towns around where we want to move, but it’s so damn expensive. My mom said we can move in with her until we find something, but there isn’t enough room, and we’ve have nowhere to store all of our things.

We’re stuck. We’re so stuck.

Kyle’s last day is Wednesday. Then, he’s unemployed. Despite dozens and dozens of applications, and a damn fine resume and cover letter, he’s only had one call back for an interview. It’s for a car salesman position at a local dealership, which is right up his alley… but now we have the problem of Kyle not having anything to wear. All his past jobs have involved uniforms, so the only “nice” clothes he has are khakis… one pair. And a few blue polos. So, tonight, we’re going to Goodwill to try and find some pieces to make him look a bit more professional for interviews.

Why Goodwill? Well, because we only have $100 left. We’re that screwed right now.

So… yeah, that’s about it. We’ve all been stressed, and tense, and it’s taking it’s toll. I haven’t been sleeping, and we’ve been fighting lately. I’m tired, and depressed, and I’ve been crying just about every day for over two weeks.

I feel so helpless, and I know he feels the same way.

Any positive vibes you all have to spare would be greatly appreciated. I know there is so much horrible, horrible shit going on in our world right now, and I feel like garbage for complaining… but things are getting hard. Really hard.

Oh, and October 3rd was Kyle’s birthday, and we couldn’t do anything at all. We went to his mom’s on Saturday, because we thought she wanted to throw him a party or something, but is was mostly just his sisters berating him because they think he’s the “favorite“, while they did crafts at the kitchen table. So, we mostly stayed in the living room and watched Wonder Woman, which was pretty good. We also went to the Burgoo Festival in Utica, Illinois with some of his work friends on Sunday. It was hot and crowded, and we couldn’t afford to do anything, but it was nice that he got to see his friends. They all really enjoyed seeing Liam, too.

Happy birthday, honey. Sorry that everything sucks right now.

Before I stop typing, I also want to mention that I recently reconnected with my two step-sisters via Facebook, who were taken from their mom and my dad, along with our younger sister, over ten years ago. They’re grown women now, and it has been so nice talking to them, and being a part of their lives, even after all of these years. It has also been eye-opening, and heartbreaking, to learn all of the horrible truths about the things they have had to endure at the hands of their adoptive mother. And my own grandmother.

We shared laughs and pictures, and I showed them pictures of our youngest sister, who was adopted by another family. They didn’t even know about her. She is six years old, and they never even saw a picture. They can’t even see our other sister, because her mom has a tight, controlling grip on her. Doesn’t let her go to school, doesn’t let her have friends, just feeds her nonsense and garbage, and brainwashes her… it makes my heart hurt just thinking about it…

** TLDR Version: Kyle got fired for some bullshit, his last day of work at his other job is this Wednesday, and I’ve been applying to tons of jobs for him, with little luck. We’re trying to move, but we’re too poor. He’s trying to go to school to get his CDL, but we’re too poor. One step forward, ten steps back. I also reconnected with my sisters via Facebook, and learned some horrible truths about our family. I’m stressed and tired and cry all the time. Need happy thoughts. **

Anyway. That’s all, guys. That’s everything. I’ll update you if/when our situation changes or improves.

Thanks for reading.



Author: Super Jan

I'm just an introvert, trying to find where I fit in the world. Opinionated, slightly vulgar, and prone to crippling social anxiety. I am a casual gamer, retired podcaster, wannabe voice actor, newbie freelancer, Netflix binge-watcher, YouTube addict, and a mom just trying my best.

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