Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure of interviewing someone very special to me today, and I am so pleased to introduce you to Janise, who is currently joining me from the year 2009. How are you today, Janise?
I’m great, Jan, thank you for asking. It’s great to be, uh, here? This is so weird.
That’s so good to hear! It is a little weird. Now, you’re currently in the year 2009, is that right? What’s going on for you right now?
Well, I’m currently in college with my boyfriend, Matt. We live on campus up in Newfoundland.
College in Newfoundland must be exciting! How do you like being foreign?
I mean, it’s only Canada. I grew up in Maine, and when my friends and dorm mates found out, they labeled me as “pretty much” Canadian, so it hasn’t been that different. Most of them think that they know more about US politics than I do though, so that’s a little annoying.
Oh, that’s right, you just went through a big election! What was it like seeing a president elected while you are in Canada?
It was great, actually! My boyfriend’s floor had a watch party, and we all sat in the dorm and watched it unfold. Literally all of them were rooting for Obama, so there were a lot of parties that night. Who is president in 2019?
I can’t answer that, nor do I want to. Moving on.
Would you like to tell us what you’re majoring in, Janise?
Sure! I’m majoring in Psychology, and minoring in social work, hopefully. It’s always been my dream to help people. I want to work as a crisis counselor in a school, or in a facility that helps kids and families. Is that what you do now?
Look, why don’t I just ask the questions, okay?
Oh. Okay, sorry.
So, what do you like to do in your free time, when you’re not in class?
I wish I had a more exciting answer for this, but I actually spend most of my time in my dorm room. I play a lot of World of Warcraft.
So, you play World of Warcraft. Are there any other games you play?
Not really, actually. I mean, I play The Sims, and a few other games, but WoW is really where my heart and soul are. You’d think with a gaming PC like I have, I’d play a lot more, but I don’t, isn’t that funny?
Yep, hilarious. You have a pretty powerful gaming laptop, too, don’t you?
I do! I mostly use it for my online German course, though, or just for Facebook and stuff when I’m sitting in the lounge.
That’s certainly one use for such powerful hardware…
I don’t just game though! Matt and I also go to the gym most nights when there isn’t a ton of snow, and I’m the representative for my floor on the Residence Council though so I have to go to those meetings, and participate in events like the dances we throw, or karaoke and trivia nights, but I don’t mind much. My floor doesn’t seem to want to participate much though, but I’m sure I can bring them around.
Yeah, good luck with that.
What? What do you mean?
What, do they not participate? We don’t win at the end of the year?
Yeah, no, they’re all assholes, and you don’t make any friends.
That’s not true. I’ve made friends with—
Yeah, they end up hooking up, and making you the third wheel, and then they get in a huge fight and break up, and none of you ever speak to each other again.
Seriously? Well, that sucks. At least Matt and I get to move to St. John after this year so we can finish our degrees together, right?
… moving on.
You mentioned going to the gym a lot, is fitness something that you’re passionate about?
Currently, yeah. Matt was a rugby player before he hurt his knee, so when we got memberships, he showed me all kinds of exercises, and how the equipment worked. I’m in the best shape of my life now, and I feel amazing!
How much do you weigh?
How much do you weigh?
Um… like, 150? Maybe a little more? Why do you ask?
Oh, no reason, just wanted to try and remember what it was like to weigh that little.
What are you talking about? Are you okay? What the fuck happens to me after college? What happens to Matt and me?
No, hold on, I need to know—
So, winter break just wrapped up, huh? Did you do anything fun?
Are we just going to ignore what just happened?
Yep. Please answer the question.
Fine. I didn’t do anything for winter break. Nearly everyone in the school went home, including Matt, and I was one of, like, four people left on campus who didn’t get to go home to see their families. It sucked. I was sick the entire time, and I ran out of food after about three days, and had to raid the food in the freezer in the lounge, and leave notes and IOUs for people just so I wouldn’t starve. Someone went to the dean and told him about it, and I nearly got kicked out, but luckily, he felt bad for my poor, broke, sick ass, and let it slide, but I had to replace all the food that I had eaten, which meant that Matt had to replace all the food I had eaten, because I don’t have a penny to my name.
Yikes, that sounds like—
Fuck you, you already know exactly what it was like. It sucked.
Fair enough! On that note, is there anything else you’d like to say before we say our goodbyes for the next 10 years?
Seriously, who is president—
Goodbye, Janise, and thanks so much for sitting down to do an interview with me! My name is Jan, and this has been my interview with myself from 10 years ago!
Thanks for reading!