Blogger Recognition Award

Hello, friends! If you recall, yesterday I made a post about how I was nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award, which was super cool, but looook! I received another award nomination! Continue reading “Blogger Recognition Award”

To Gym, Or Not to Gym?

I kept telling myself, “If I get to 180… 185… 190… etc., then I’ll do something about it…” but the numbers kept getting higher.

Recently, I stepped on the scale, and was actually appalled at the number that stared back at me. Continue reading “To Gym, Or Not to Gym?”

I Need Some Advice.

Why is that worth nothing suddenly? Am I missing something? Am I being selfish? Heartless? I don’t know.

[UPDATE: I called the life insurance company, and told them that I need to cash out the policy taken out for me. The woman told me that this was not the type of policy that you can cash out, and cancelling it now would not get any money to me, or my grandmother. Since my grandmother told me that she can no longer afford to pay for the policy, and since I can not afford it, I have no choice but to cancel it. I feel bad that all of the money she paid into it is going to just disappear, with no compensation to either of us, but this is what she told me to do. That’s that. All done.]
———————————————— Continue reading “I Need Some Advice.”

Daily Prompt 5/24/2016 | Quarter-Life Crisis

I am closer to 30 than I am to 20, and while I have been for over a year, technically, it is really just starting to hit me now.

In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt | Phase

I am 26 years 0 months 27 days old.
I am 312 months 27 days old.
I am 1360 weeks 4 days old.
I am 9,524 days old.
I am 228,576 hours old.
I am 13,714,560 minutes old.
I am 822,873,600 seconds old… well, roughly.

I am closer to 30 than I am to 20, and while I have been for over a year, technically, it is really just starting to hit me now. I’m at the age now where, not only have many of my friends graduated with a 4-year degree from college, but some now also have Master’s degrees. Many of my friends have reached their goals as graduates, and go to their dream jobs (or something close to it, at least), and make money, and then go home to their house, that they own, and drink wine, while watching Netflix… or whatever it is functioning adults do. Even if they didn’t go to, or graduate from, college… everyone seems to be doing better than me in life. Everyone. Because of this, I’ve become withdrawn, bitter, and angry. I’m sure people are tired of my whining and complaining, since the advice and tough love that I used to receive from friends and loved ones has been replaced by absolute silence. But just for fun, let’s reach into my mind for a moment.

I have no degree, but still owe my old college money, 7 years later.
I have no job (granted, that’s because I stay home with my son, but before that, it was endless, dead end jobs).
I have no house, and constantly get stuck renting horrible places, because that is all I can afford, because of the previous two things.
I have no car, I don’t even have a license. This makes remedying ANY of the precious three things much more difficult.

I am going nowhere. I am getting older, and my life is going absolutely nowhere. I had such high hopes for myself when I was younger, and everything went wrong. For a long time, I blamed everything falling apart on other people/things. I was in such a hurry to grow up, and prove that I was an adult, that I forgot that I was just a stupid, broke kid. I refused to accept help, or listen to reason, because I wanted people to think I had it all under control. But I didn’t.

I had to drop out of college after one (terrible) year because I could no longer afford it. I thought I had my student loan situation handled, but I didn’t, and it all fell through. My mom gave me a loan to cover my first semester so that I would be able to finish the year, but then I couldn’t pay for my second semester. I still owe both my mom, and the school, money. As I said… it has been 7 years, and thanks to my track record of moving every year, and landing nothing but minimum wage jobs, I haven’t been able to make a dent in that debt. I hadn’t gone to school out of the country, to go to school with my then boyfriend, and get away from my family, I could have gone to the local community college, and probably have graduated. I could have gotten my degree, and maybe saved some money by staying at home, and gotten my own place.

Everything that I have done in my adult life, I’ve done for the wrong reasons. For love, for a guy, for convenience… I never thought of the consequences of any of my actions, and now I am stuck dealing with all of them at once, at a stage in my life when I should have my shit at least somewhat together. I wanted to grow up too fast, and now I’m stuck feeling like a helpless child, unable to move forward with my life because I don’t have any of the means to do so.

I am tired of it. Despite my thirst for even a shred of independence, I am always stuck relying on other people just to survive. To help bring me to work, to help bring me to the store, to help me with money when shit goes wrong, to share my space and help me pay the bills because minimum wage just doesn’t cover it, even in a slum. I’ve had to rely on other people throughout my entire adult life, up to this point, and I am ashamed. I have a son now, and while he depends on me 100%, I still depend on everyone around me. I don’t want him growing up knowing that his mother was useless. That she never finished college, and never had a decent job, and never did anything important with her life. And I want so much more for him, so he does not turn out like me, but how do you instill those values in your child, when you are hardly an example yourself?

I try to live without regrets, but when it comes down to it, I feel like I regret everything. I am torn between wishing I could have done everything differently, and wishing I had done nothing differently, because it would have changed my present 110%. Would my life be better? Would it be worse? Would I even be alive?

I don’t sleep anymore. When I do sleep, I hardly dream. I am always tired, despite doing nothing with my life, and I am always sad. I am sad, and angry, and tired. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother getting out of bed. Everything feels pointless. And I don’t know what to do about any of it. I am stuck.

Is this what they call a quarter-life crisis? Or is this an existential crisis? Either way, it sucks.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Legal Representation? | Vlog

Hello, friends. I’ve been restless and riddled with anxiety lately, and it isn’t getting any better. Here is another vlog for you just to let you know about something important that is going on regarding my living situation. Any advice you have is definitely appreciated. I’m starting to realize that, while I may be accustomed to living in these conditions, my son shouldn’t have to be. Why is adulthood so hard?

Thanks for watching, friends.

Jan

Advice Needed For Dealing With Landlords

** EDIT: For anyone wondering, yes, we did sign a lease. We rent through a realty company, but do have an actual landlord, who we have never met. Our lease is only a half a page long, and is basically a “Dear John” letter, with next to no specifics on who fixes what, other than that the tenant is in charge of “basic” repairs and upkeep. I’m pretty sure that pulling up a toilet, which has been caulked to the floor, and replacing a wax ring, is not basic, right?

Hello, friends. I need some advice. I’ve always rented, and currently live in a not-so-fancy, not really up-to-date apartment. We have had a lot of issues, as many of you have read, but we’ve been dealing with a lot of issues that were preexisting, from before we moved in, that I have been researching. I don’t know how long we are going to be in this place, at least another half a year, but since I have a very mobile toddler now, I want it to be safe.

Recently, I’ve been growing more concerned about our toilet. So, the linoleum in our bathroom was quite discolored when we moved in, and there is a VERY large yellow and gray stain all around our toilet. I didn’t think much about it, mostly because I was naive, and obviously they knew about it before we moved in, and I assumed whatever caused it had been fixed, and the floor was just permanently discolored now. Recently, I’ve been doing some research, because I don’t know if it is my imagination or not, but the stain seems to be growing, and I discovered that it probably means that there is a faulty wax ring, creating leaks under the floor. The floor around the toilet also does not appear to be 100% sound, and was also like that when we moved in, but doesn’t appear to have gotten worse. I can see that the toilet is poorly caulked to the floor, and has been caulked for a while, which probably means they haven’t fixed anything with it in a long time, right?

I know that I need to contact them to fix it, because it is absolutely their responsibility to make sure that our plumbing is all working properly, and is not a hazard. Does anyone know if there is anything that can be done about the floor discoloration? The stain is MASSIVE, and hideous. We don’t have any windows in our bathroom, so we can’t get any direct sunlight on the spot, which I read helps, and I’m assuming that nothing can be done until the moisture under the floor is taken care of anyway. Would they have to tear up the floor? How long does it take to repair a wax ring? What if there is a mold problem, would I have to pay an inspector to find out? How should I go about asking them to get this all done? They’ve always been so flaky when it comes to fixing things around the apartment (we’ve been here a year and a half and I still have a hole in my kitchen ceiling waiting to be covered…). Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this before?

Thanks for reading, friends. Any advice is welcome!

Jan

Daily Prompt 1/25/2016 | Key Takeaway

The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 1/25/2016 | Key Takeaway

“Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.

YouTube, vlogging, blogging, Instagram, Twitter, podcasting… the biggest piece of advice that I could give to someone, is to not worry about the numbers. This is something that I have struggled with, no matter what platform that I chose to express myself on. The most important thing to remember is that if you have good, relatable content, the followers and subscribers will come. It may take months, or even years, but if you stick with it, and stay true to yourself, and what you want to produce, then it will happen.

Focus on quality, not quantity.

I think everyone secretly thinks that it will happen overnight. That they will put out a few blog posts, or a few witty videos on YouTube, and all these people will magically find them, and they will become a hit sensation immediately, and become monetized, or even sponsored, but that’s not how it works. You also have to put yourself out there. Find other, like-minded people in the community, and reach out to them. Participate, give feedback. You can’t expect to gain anything, if you’re not willing to give.

Stay patient, don’t give up. It will happen.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Our Baby Schedule (7 Months Old)

All babies and situations are different, so whenever I looked online to try and find any kind of schedule that we could try, it just never felt right. Either the posts were written by working moms on a tight schedule, or involved multiple children, or other things that didn’t really pertain to our situation. It just wasn’t right for us. So we figured it out on our own.

I’m a stay-at-home mom to a sweet, brilliant, 7-month old boy. Besides my fiance, my support system includes very few people, spread out across the country. I’m not very close with my mom, and have very few friends with young children. I’m an avid forum reader, and I’ve had to learn A LOT of things on my own (with the help of a couple million internet searches), since I don’t have access to a doctors office or clinic whenever I have a question. One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with is how much to feed my baby, and when. All babies and situations are different, so whenever I looked online to try and find any kind of schedule that we could try, it just never felt right. Either the posts were written by working moms on a tight schedule, or involved multiple children, or other things that didn’t really pertain to our situation. It just wasn’t right for us. So we figured it out on our own.

My kid is weird. He doesn’t cry unless he’s really tired (or really wants to be held), and that’s it. He’s never really cried from hunger, not even as a tiny baby, so I’ve had to learn to pay close attention to his little queues, like sucking his fingers, or opening and closing his mouth. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if he is hungry or not, but he definitely let’s me know when he is full.

First off, my son is 7 months and 5 days old. At his 6 month checkup, he weighed 19 pounds, and was 28 inches long. He’s grown since then! He wears 12 month shirts and onesies, and 9 month pants. Size 4 diapers. Size 4 shoes. He’s tall, skinny, growing like crazy, and has an appetite to match. We started him on baby food at 4 months old, because he was drinking over 32oz. of formula a day, and still wanted more. He also presented with all of the signs of readiness for baby food. Don’t worry if your little one doesn’t present with signs yet at 4 months, a lot of babies aren’t ready until 6 months. Also, don’t worry if your baby doesn’t eat as much as him, or maybe eats more. All babies are different. They know how much they need and will let you know when they want more, or have had enough. This is just what works for us! Okay, now keep in mind, this is not rigid and it is not set in stone. Sometimes he wakes up at 7:30, sometimes 8, sometimes not until 9. I also included his general nap times. Sometimes he wants to sleep immediately following breakfast, but sometimes he doesn’t get tired until after his second bottle. Here’s a general idea of what our day looks like:

8:00: Wake up, drink an 8oz. bottle.
8:30: Breakfast, 1tbs of oatmeal cereal, mixed with formula and a fruit or vegetable. I also put out a few Cheerio pieces for him to practice picking up.
10:15: Mid-morning 6oz. bottle. (Usually, when he takes his first nap)
12:30: Lunch, 3-4oz. of pureed fruit with a finger food on the side, usually Cheerios or tiny pieced of fruit, but sometimes we use leftover veggies from the day before.
2:45: Afternoon 6oz. bottle. (Usually when he takes his second nap)
5:00: Dinner, 3-4oz. of pureed vegetable with finger food on the side, preferably another vegetable.
7:00: Bath time!
7:30-8:00: 8oz. bottle while we attempt to wrestle into bed.
8:00: Bed time… preferably. Sometimes it doesn’t happen until later. Sometimes earlier.

Like I said, it’s not set in stone. Sometimes, his naps run long and I have to push back his meals, and move some things around. At the moment, he takes 2 (occasionally 3) naps a day, ranging from 45 minutes to 2.5ish hours long. He also almost always falls asleep in the car, and when we go for walks. You just never know with this kid.

In case anyone was interested, here’s a list foods he will actually eat so far (there are some things he has tried that he HATED, so they didn’t make the list), in ranking order. Some of the lower ones he will only eat if it’s mixed in cereal or something else (he’s a GOOD eater, haha). And no, I don’t make my own baby food, these are all either Gerber or Beech-Nut 2nd Step foods.

Jarred Vegetables:
Squash ***
Sweet Potatoes ***
Sweet Potatoes & Corn ***
Mixed Vegetable ***
Carrots ***
Peas ***
Garden Vegetables **
Green beans **

Jarred Fruits:
Pear Pineapple ***
Pear ***
Apple(sauce) ***
Apple & Cherry ***
Apple & Blueberry ***
Apple Strawberry Banana ***
Apple & Prunes **
Bananas **
Banana Mixed Berry **
Banana Orange Medley **
Strawberry Banana **
Apricot **
Apricot Mixed Fruit **
Yummy Mango **
Banana Plum Grape *
Peaches *

Jarred Fruit/Vegetable Combos:
Pear Zucchini Corn ***
Banana Carrot Mango **
Apple Peach Squash **

Cereals:
Oatmeal Cereal **
Rice Cereal *

Finger/Real Foods:
Cheerios ***
Black Beans ***
Kidney Beans ***
Plain Hummus ***
Peas ***
Green Beans ***
Pineapple ***
Blueberries ***
Mashes Potatoes ***
Spiral Pasta **
Pieces of Plain Toast *

(His favorites seem to be more on the side of veggies! He absolutely loves black beans and peas as finger foods!)

We have not tried any jarred meats or jarred meat meals. Gross. Just… so gross. We will be giving him small bites of chicken in the next month or two when his chewing is a bit better. We just started finger foods a few weeks ago, and will continue to introduce more as he develops.

That’s it! I hope this helped out a few moms and dads out there, or maybe gave you a few ideas on what foods your baby may like. Mine likes… basically everything. Except for avocado. Oh man. He puked everywhere.

Thanks for reading!

Jan