Mom’s Visit | Day 6

Hello, friends. Today has been very… trying.

[You can read about Days 0-1 here, Day 2 here, Day 3 here, Day 4 here, and Day 5 here.]

Hello, friends. Today has been very… trying.

Kyle went back to work today, though I had him with me all morning and early afternoon. I had planned on getting some housework done, since it has all gone undone ever since my mom arrived, but that never ended up happening. Liam was incredibly fussy all morning, despite sleeping for nearly 13 hours straight, and was being quite naughty. On top of dealing with a cranky toddler, Kyle had a meeting with the financial aid office about getting financial help with his CDL class… and they basically told him there is nothing they can do to help him. So he came home very upset, which only made me more upset about this whole day getting off to a rough start.

Liam took an early nap around 10:15, despite only being awake for 2.5 hours, and ended up sleeping for 3 whole hours. I decided to put off doing anything with my mom until after he had his lunch, in the hopes that his long nap would put him in better spirits. This did not stop her from driving all the way to the park up the street from our apartment, and texting us about all the comings and goings happening there. It made me feel bad, and a little annoyed, that she drove all the way here, when we didn’t want company for a while, but whatever.

After kiddo woke up and had his lunch, my mom came over, and we all sat around, playing with Liam’s blocks, doing puzzles, and chatting. Kyle left for work, and my mom and I left shortly after to take Liam to the play area at the mall. We stopped to get some concrete mixers from Culver’s (basically, for those who don’t know, it is just building your own delicious, frozen custard treat with all sorts of candies and toppings to mix in), since we’ve all been craving them lately. We brought one to Kyle at work, and visited with him and one of his co-workers for a while, then headed to the mall play area.

Unlike yesterday, we had the entire play area to ourselves, and Liam had a blast, running around and screaming like a silly boy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t all that fun for me, as my mom was driving me absolutely insane. She was crawling around, playing with Liam, and chasing him, and kept stopping every so often to proclaim loudly, “Oh, I better stop, I’m probably embarrassing mommy!”, despite the fact that there was no one around, and I had not said anything at all. She did this at least 10 times. That’s just something she does, and it honestly drives me insane. She always says things like, “I’m just so stupid, don’t listen to me.” or “I’m probably wrong, I’m wrong about everything.” or always assumes that you are embarrassed of her, even when you aren’t arguing with her, or correcting her, or anything. It is so irritating, and she has been like this my entire life. I was hoping that she had changed, even a little bit, in the 8 years since I’ve lived under the same roof as her, but she hasn’t. I’ve called her out on it before, and tell her to stop saying things like that about herself, but it just makes her angry.

Anyway, after a little while, it started getting close to dinner time, so we headed to the bathrooms at other end of the mall to change Liam’s diaper. Once we got there, my mom told me she was going to just go wait for me by the car, which was parked outside of a totally different entrance, and I told her I was going to be a minute, because I wanted to take Liam to say goodnight to Kyle, since he wouldn’t be home in time for bedtime. She just walked off without a word.

Back in Kyle’s work, where it was absolutely dead, I found myself ranting irritably to Kyle and his co-worker friend, while Liam ran around, playing with the various things that hung from low hooks. I eventually went to meet my mom back at the car, where she argued with me over where we should eat dinner, and we ended up eating nowhere, and she just dropped me off at the partment.

Ugh. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve just been so exhausted lately, emotionally and physically, and it has put me so on edge. I knew that this was going to be a hard week for me, as even spending 24 hours with my mom gets under my skin, but this week has been hard for so many reasons. Tomorrow is her last visiting day with us, even though her flight leaves Saturday night, but she doesn’t want to stop by that day. I’ll be honest, I really missed alone time with my son. I missed cleaning my apartment. I missed taking naps. I missed spending Kyle’s days off with him, cuddling on the couch, watching Netflix. I missed normality.

I guess that’s it for now. I want to spend tomorrow driving around, looking for garage sales and yard sales in the area. My mom is still pushing that she wants to buy me stuff, so maybe I’ll be able to find a decent dresser somewhere for her to get me. Who knows.

Well, Kyle literally just walked in, and I want cuddles. We’ve been watching The Adventures of Merlin on Netflix, and I know I’ve mentioned it before, but seriously, you should check it out.

Also, before I go, I wanted to add something else that she does that I find… odd. Whenever Liam does literally anything, like how he plays with blocks, or babbles, or runs around excitedly… just the things he does normally, she never compares him to me at his age. Not at all. She always says that everything reminds her of herself, or her and her mom, from when she was little. She never even talks about me as a baby, or her and I. I just find it strange. Is it? I don’t know. Meh.

Anyway, thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Dream Journal 1/24/16

Present day.

Kyle and I were standing in the middle of our living room, but it wasn’t our living room. Everything was set up the same, only larger, and slightly different. Our carpet had turned into black and white, checkered tile, and the ceilings were higher. We had ordered a pizza from some pizza place, which cost us nearly $60, and it still hadn’t arrived, nearly 6 hours later.

Kyle and I were trying to get a hold of the pizza place, but their phone had been disconnected. Kyle was upset, and kept yelling at me to get online and write a negative Yelp review, but I kept telling him to do it himself.

While we were arguing, our door opened, and a random, golden retriever walked in, squatted down, and pooped on our floor. We stood there, completely shocked. At that exact moment, with our door wide open, all of our neighbors came home, and proceeded to look into our apartment. They all started loudly proclaiming that they were calling the realty company that we go through, because there are no pets allowed in our building. We tried to frantically explain that the dog wasn’t ours, but they all took out their phones in unison, and proceeded to call the landlord.

While they were all complaining into the phone, the dog started peeing on the floors. Just then, a middle-aged woman entered the hallway, pushed her way into our apartment, picked up the dog, and walked out without a word. I quickly slammed the door behind her, shutting our neighbors out. I told Kyle to call the landlord to explain, while I cleaned up the dog’s mess. He refused, and said he was just going to play with Liam, who had just woken up from a nap in his room.

We started shouting at each other again.

And then I woke up.

Dream Journal 12/6/15

Present day.

It was the middle of the night, and I was asleep on the couch, when I was awakened by Kyle turning on the light, and ripping my blankets off of me. He told me that I needed to get my bedding stuff off of the couch because he was trading it for another couch, and the guy was going to be at the apartment any minute. He also told me to get the vacuum and clean the living room.

I was confused, tired, and angry. I started to argue with him, because he never even talked about it with me, and the couch was MY bed. He ignored my anger, and the man eventually showed up, knocking loudly on our door.

He had already pulled the couch into the hallway, and seemed very impatient. I looked at the couch, and got even angrier. It was a small, black, 3-piece couch, made of some kind of suede material. It was hideous, and much smaller than our current couch. And it was in pieces. It had unrealistic, boxy edges, and honestly didn’t even look like a couch at all. Kyle lifted up one of the segments, and a few dozen nails, screws, and nuts fell to the floor. They were all different colors and sizes, and the guy told us that he had no idea what they went to. I turned to Kyle and started yelling at him again about how horrible the couch was, and that there was no way we were trading our huge, leather couch for it.

I told the guy that he needed to take his ugly couch and leave. He walked out the door, leaving the couch behind in our hallway. I continued to argue with Kyle, but he had nothing to say. I told him that he needed to get rid of the crappy couch, since the guy had left it, but he refused, and walked away. I tried to pick up one of the couch segments, but it was too heavy for me to lift by myself. I went to find Kyle, but he must have left the apartment, because he was nowhere. I went back to the hallway, and the guy had come back, and was trying to drag our good couch out the door. I pushed him down, screaming at him to leave. He started yelling back at me, calling me a bitch, saying he was going to come back with more guys. I shut the door in his face.

I locked the door, and tried to push our couch back into the living room, so that I could go back to sleep. I stepped on the pile of nails and screws that were still on the ground, and blood started pouring out of my food. I started crying, and tried to hobble to the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood behind me. I started sobbing loudly, and said something out loud about not getting our deposit back for the apartment because of the blood on the carpet.

I sat on the toilet and tried to wipe the blood off of my foot.

And then I woke up.