Dream Journal 1/29/19 | DG Beatdown

I was shopping in a Dollar General with one of my cousins and her father, who I had not seen since I was 10 or 11 years old.

Dream Journal 7/15/16 | Blood and Mold

[Dream #1]

I was in a large warehouse style store, and I was trying to pull something off of a shelf, and a ton of random stuff fell down on top of me. A bunch of people rushed over to pull me out of the pile, and when I came out, my face was covered in blood, and one of the workers started screaming that my eye was missing. I started to panic, but discovered that my eye wasn’t missing, it was actually cracked open, like it was made of glass.

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Daily Prompt 7/1/2016 | Pain and Pleasure

[In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 7/1/2016 | Pleasure]

Hello, friends. I know I’ve been a bit absent lately, and I promise I will get you all caught up on recent events, but it will more than likely be in video blog form, as I just don’t have the time, or patience, to write it all out. However, I did want to share with you all something very exciting that happened to me recently…

Daily Prompt 6/8/2016 | Everybody Poops

In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 6/8/2016 | Embarrassing

Becoming a mom has transformed my life in so many ways, but one thing I did not expect to change, was my absolute fear of embarrassing myself. I was pretty awkward as a kid, a trait I inherited from my mom, and this caused me to develop some pretty bad social anxieties early on, which I still struggle with. Growing up, I was terrified of everything having to do with failure and embarrassment in social situations. Because of this, I avoided going to dances, joining clubs, playing sports, and hanging out with friends, because I just felt like everything that I did would end disastrously. What if I tripped? What if I farted? What if I sneezed AND farted? WHAT IF I HAD TO POOP AT SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE?

Well, let me tell you, all of that anxiety flew out the window when my son was born… actually, it dissipated pretty quickly only a few months into my pregnancy. I found myself pushing my boundaries, reaching out to friends, as well as strangers, and talking about things having to do with me and my body, that I previously would have been embarrassed about. That strange comfort is still with me today. Sure, I have a whole new set of anxieties that I deal with, but when it comes to embarrassing bodily functions? Ha!

Example: Pooping during childbirth. Very common, most women do it. I did it. Yup, I did. Get over it. Your mom probably pooped, too! I didn’t even know about it until one of my nurses let it slip later on, after my son’s arrival, and honestly, I wasn’t embarrassed. I laughed! And everything that followed the birth of my son… I will save your sanity and stomachs, for those who are unfamiliar with what happens to a woman’s body after birth, but let’s just say, I accepted all of it. I wasn’t embarrassed to tell people that I had to go change my pad for the second or third time while visiting their houses, or that my boobs felt hard and painful, and leaked all the time. I wasn’t ashamed. I wasn’t embarrassed. I had already pooped myself in front of half a dozen people, while crouching naked on a bed, pushing a human being from between my legs (graphic, sorry).

Why should I be embarrassed?

Whether you’ve had a baby or not, everybody poops, everybody pees, and everybody farts. Most women have periods, and use pads, tampons, or menstrual cups. Most men get erections, sometimes quite unexpectedly, and unwanted. It happens. The human body is weird, and complicated, and sometimes gross, but it is nothing to be embarrassed about.

I should take my own advice, as I am still embarrassed about a lot of things about my body (adult acne, anyone?), but I’ve gotten so much better at accepting all of the strange things that my body does, and you should, too! Everybody poops.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Take A Walk With Jan #12 | Vlog

Hello, friends! I am sweaty, sunburnt, and cranky as hell. I am also too lazy to write about it, so here is a quick(ish) vlog telling you why! The video is unedited, obviously. Please excuse my appearance, as I really don’t give a shit about it right now, haha. Oh, and some pictures from our walk today. I forgot to mention that after Liam fell down, he decided to pick up, and throw out, all the sticks in the park.

Enjoy!

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Thanks for reading/watching!

Jan

Dream Journal 3/13/16

I was running down a deserted street with Maggie and Glen from The Walking Dead, as well as another young woman with red hair. We were all armed, and were weaving in and out of deserted alleyways between very old, Spanish-style buildings. Out of nowhere, somebody started shooting at us from one of the rooftops, and we were forced to take cover inside one of the empty buildings. Glenn had been shot in the leg, and was bleeding badly. The inside of the building looked like a cathedral, and we found that we were not alone. Meredith, Alex, Callie, and Arizona from Grey’s anatomy were all there, pointing guns at us. We held our arms up in surrender, and told them we were just seeking shelter from the shooter outside. They invited us in and carried Glenn away to take care of his leg.

The room that we were in was very sleek and modern, unlike the rest of the city, especially the building we were in. Callie was stitching up Glenn’s leg, and Arizona brought us into the adjacent room, which was actually a massive indoor garage, filled with armored vehicles of every size, and enough weaponry to arm a small army. She informed us that there were over 50 people in their group, and that the rest were out scavenging in the city. They had been there for over a year, and had made the building a stronghold. I asked her why we were able to just walk right in if it was a stronghold, and she told me they left that specific door unlocked for people like us, and that if those people didn’t work out, they just killed them.

Arizona told us that we could take one of the vehicles from their fleet, and stock up on supplies, but then we had to go. Once Glenn was done getting his leg fixed up, we chose one of the armored vans, stocked up on food and a few weapons, thanked everyone, and left.

We were driving down a deserted highway, when we spotted a gas station that seemed to still be in good shape. We decided to grab whatever fuel we could find, and grab some more food and water. Next to the gas station was a car dealership, and the lot was filled with large vehicles. We decided that we wanted a second vehicle to bring back to camp, and decided on a black and chrome truck. Maggie and I went inside to find the keys, and Glenn and the redhead went to find food and water. Inside, there was a single zombie, which we took down with ease. While we were searching for the key, I noticed that my hair was wet, and was dripping onto the concrete floor, leaving a trail behind me. I ignored it, until Maggie asked me what was making the weird tracks on the floor. I looked down, and saw that something was following me, making weird tracks in the water left from my hair. I started running in circles, and the tracks still followed me. Something invisible. I reached down to grab whatever it was, and a small, white dog appeared in my arms. She was a long-haired yappy dog, with a pink bow in her hair. Maggie looked confused and walked over to look at the completely normal, no longer invisible, dog I held in my arms.

We went back to the van, unable to find the keys for the truck, and we all left. The dog was no longer with me. We drove to a mall, which had been completely overrun by zombies. Despite there being hundreds of them, we drove right up to the doors, and were greeted by a woman, who showed us how to jump the fence to get inside. Inside the mall was actually a prison, with over a dozen floors, all circled around a hollow center. There were no open rooms, only cells, aside from the bottom floor, which was a hilly grass-filled space. The woman showed us around, and gave us two cells on the second floor, overlooking the grassy area. She told us that we were not allowed out of our cells at night, and that it was very dangerous.

It was nighttime, and all the lights were out. We were sitting in the grassy area on the bottom floor with a few other people, who told us that the rules were stupid, and they wanted to do whatever they wanted. Suddenly, the doors opened, and a large figure dressed in full-body, knight’s armor walked in, leading a dozen zombified horses. We all ran to hide, and he didn’t seem to spot us. Zombies flooded the room behind the horses. The figure shackled the zombie horses to the stone walls, equal distance apart from each other, and began circling the room, chanting. The horses started going crazy, and one of them broke the bolts on the wall that kept it shackled in place, but it did not run.

Suddenly, the Grey’s Anatomy group walked in, dressed in formal attire, with Callie leading them, donning a white wedding dress, adorned with red gems. Honestly, it was terrifying. They walked in silently and slowly to the center of the room, where the knight bowed to them, and left. I ran out from our hiding place, and asked Callie what was happening. They all ignored me, and someone ran out and grabbed me, dragging me back to where I had been hiding. The woman who had shown us around the prison grabbed my arm and shoved me into the wall, telling me that I should not be here. The rest of my group was already gone. I shoved her back, and we fought, as I tried to run back out to Callie and the others, but she kept stopping me.

The horse that had broken free suddenly ran forward, and trampled through the group, killing them all. The knight started screaming for the zombies to attack, and they all started clawing and biting at the horses that were still in chains. The woman from the prison and I climbed up a nearby rope ladder up to the second floor, and shut ourselves inside one of the cells. We could still see below, and there was blood flying through the air, landing on the floor that we were on. There was an eerie green light flooding the building, and I became aware that the grassy area was on fire. Green fire.

And then I woke up.

Dream Journal 3/9/16

I was with a group of 6 or 7 people, all armed to the teeth with weapons, making our way through a thick forest toward a huge mansion in the distance. There were zombies closing in all around us. Once in front of the mansion, there was one zombie standing at the top of the steps by the front door, but she was different than the rest of the other zombies. She stood perfectly still and stared at us with creepy, white eyes. One of the girls in our group locked eyes with her, and the zombie’s face morphed into a zombified version of the girl from the group, and her eyes turned to a solid, creamy blue color. Suddenly, all of the zombies around us stopped moving, their eyes turned the same color blue, and they just stood there, swaying.

We took this opportunity to run into the mansion. Once inside, we barricaded the door, and the group immediately relaxed. The group, which had been 6 or 7 people, now had about 20 people in it, including popular YouTuber Markiplier, and we all separated to explore the mansion. The lights were on, and the mansion was very clean, as if the zombie apocalypse had never happened. I went upstairs with another girl from the group, and we raided a giant, walk-in closet in one of the bedrooms. I found a really cute bathing suit in my size, and put it on.

Connected to the bedroom was a huge bathroom with a walk-in bathtub. I filled the tub all the way to the top, and sat in it. Mark came in and pointed out the window, and asked if I had seen the weird zombie with the blue eyes. I looked outside and she was now out on the lawn, staring up at the window. I shuddered and looked away. Mark told me that he had asked out another girl in the group, but she said no, and I hugged him and asked if he wanted to get in the tub with me. He said yes, and jumped over the side and into the tub, which was now a much larger hot tub.

He looked out the window again, and the zombie was right outside the window, and we were suddenly on the ground floor. Mark locked eyes with her, her face turned into a ccreepy version of his, and her eyes turned to a muddle brown color. She began crying loudly. All of the zombies on the lawn began crying loudly as well, and Mark jumped out of the tub and ran from the room. I stayed in the tub, and just looked away from the window.

Several minutes passed, and I heard someone scream. I ran into the bedroom, where the girl I was with before was fighting off a zombie. I shoved it off of her and stabbed it in the head, then pulled her to her feet. I looked out into the hallway and noticed that all of the lights were off in the mansion. I asked her where everyone else was, and she shrugged. We walked into the hallway, where we were greeted by  a horde of zombies roaming the main floor. We silently made out way to the library, but we didn’t come across any of our people. The lights were still on in the library, and among the zombies were half a dozen human maids and butlers, cleaning, seemingly unaware that they were surrounded by zombies. We killed out way to them, and got them out into the main lobby, where our people were bus clearing out the zombies.

Once we met up with them, we fought our way back outside to the front lawn, where the hypnotic zombie was waiting. One of the guys in our group charged her, but before he got to her, their eyes locked, her face turned into his, her eyes turned red, and she viciously attacked him, tearing him apart. Blood and gore flew everywhere. She snapped her head up and looked at us, blood dripping from her mouth. She made a loud roaring sound, and we split up and ran for our lives.

That is the last thing I remember.
—————————————-
[A little bit of back story for this next dream bit. In most of my dreams where I am running, I forget how to run, and it ends up being a weird skipping run, and I get angry. I can not run in my dreams for some reason.]

I was back in my hometown, and I was walking through the playground at the elementary school. There was a group of young teenagers goofing off near me, and I was trying to ignore them as I stretched. I was wearing workout clothes, and started walking briskly toward the baseball field at the end of the playground. I started jogging, and decided not to go any faster, because I was amazing that I was successfully jogging, and not limping/hopping/skipping instead. I started crying as I jogged around the field.

That is all I remember before I woke up.

Dream Journal 2/29/16

Past.

I was a teenager, and I was in a large barn with several other girls around my age, give or take a few years. We were all wearing large electronic collars around our necks, and were dressed in dirty, ripped clothes. A man walked in and yelled at us to stand in a straight line. We lined up, from shortest to tallest, and he grabbed the tallest girl on the end, a pretty blonde, and dragged her outside. She was screaming.

The girl to my left was crying, and she kept repeating that we needed to run, but no one would move. I grabbed her hand, and we ran to the back of the barn, where there was a large door, which was wide open. We ran out of the barn and into the woods, but the girl with me dropped to the ground and started screaming. Bolts of electricity were shooting out of her collar, and she was convulsing on the ground. I tried to roller her back toward the barn, but her body went limp and lifeless. I tried to pry my collar off with a large stick, but it wouldn’t come off.

I went back to the barn, but all of the other girls were gone, and the inside was dark. I walked in and tripped over something on the ground. I looked down and saw the body of one of the girls from the group. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming, and stumbled into one of the empty horse stalls. There was blood everywhere. I could hear the sound of a girl screaming somewhere outside, and ran toward it. The man from before was holding a gun to the head of an older woman, dressed very modestly, and she was begging him to let her go. He laughed at her, dropped the gun, and hit her with it. She fell to the ground, unconscious.

I dropped down and crawled back into the barn, and found a blowtorch in a pile of hay. I used it to burn off my collar, but it didn’t burn me. I found a black and white painted horse in one of the stalls, and rode him out of the barn. The forest looked more like a rain forest now, and there were very large, bright flowers scattered everywhere. I could hear low growling from somewhere, and my horse kept trying to buck me off of it’s back. We rode across a large bridge, made entirely of sticks and branches, yet somehow held us. There was another barn in a clearing ahead of us…

And then I woke up.

Dream Journal 1/15/16

Present day.

Kyle and I have just finished a date night, we are both dressed up. Liam is at his grandmother’s. We stop at a gas station convenience store to get snacks before going home. We are waiting in line with several other people, when three men wearing masks come running in, waving around guns, and telling us all to get down.

Terrified, we all get down on the ground, while the three men go to the counter and demand money. The leader of the group seems anxious, and he is threatening the cashier, pointing the gun right in his face, screaming at him to hurry. The other two guys repeatedly tell him to calm down, and that they just want the money, they don’t want to shoot anybody. The cashier reaches for the alarm button, and the robber shoots him in the head.

We all scream. There is a middle-aged couple in the store with us, as well as a man who later explains to us that he is an ex-marine, and a young mother with a little girl. The two other robbers rush to the leader, and an argument ensues. They are angry that he shot the man, and they didn’t want to hurt anyone. The leader shoves one of the men and hits him with his gun, knocking him out. The other robber runs out the door.

The leader begins pacing, talking to himself angrily, while waving his gun around. The man on the floor starts moving again, and he pulls him up violently, yelling at him for not following orders. While they argue, the ex-marine quietly instructs us how to get out. He motions for the young mother and her little girl to get to the door quietly, and they manage to get out without the men noticing.

Next, the older woman and I are told to go. We crawl to the door, breaking into a sprint at the threshold. We join the woman and her daughter in the parking lot, who are already calling 911. Next, all three men make a break for it, but the armed men notice, and start firing.

They manage to make it out the door… but aren’t fast enough. Kyle and the ex-marine are both shot several times in the chest, and collapse on the curb. The two men take off running.

I scream, rushing over to Kyle, who has two holes in his chest, and blood trickling from his mouth. He is struggling to breathe, yet tried to speak to me. I cradle his head in my arms and sob, urging him to save his breath, and begging him not to die. After several minutes, the older woman pulls me away. I look down at Kyle’s lifeless body, and collapse back to the ground. I crawl over to him and try to give him CPR, but he is gone. I grab his hand, kiss it, and pull off his wedding band, slipping it into my pocket.

The police come to take our statements before releasing us all to go home. I watch them cover Kyle’s body and load him into an ambulance. They don’t bother turning on the lights as they drive away. The older woman and her husband offer to drive me to my mother-in-law’s, and we get into their truck. I take out my phone to call her, but my entire body is numb and heavy, and I can’t move.

When she answers, she doesn’t seem to notice my violent, hysterical sobbing, and brightly talks to me about our plans for Liam’s first birthday. She asks where Kyle is, and all I can do it hang up. We get to her house, and the couple helps me inside, where Kyle’s mom and two sisters are waiting. They don’t seem to notice the blood on my hands, face, and clothes, or my red eyes, still crying.

I collapse to the floor as the woman and her husband tell them what happened. I can’t hear them, but I know they mention Kyle, as his mom falls back onto the couch in tears. She then turns to me and says that I need to find a job now, or I will lose our apartment. She asks me who is going to take care of Liam, and if she can have our vehicle, since I can’t drive.

Liam walks over to me and gently tugs on my hair as I curl into a ball in the middle of the floor, shaking and crying. The older woman is patting my shoulder, telling me everything will be alright. Then they leave, and I am left on the floor, sobbing, while Kyle’s surviving family members stare at me.

And then I woke up.

I woke up with a pain in my chest, and tears in my eyes, as I rolled over in a panic to make sure that Kyle was still there. He was, but it had felt so real…

Dream Journal 1/9/16

Present age/Future setting.

There is a young, blonde woman sitting at the table across from me. She has dark brown eyes, freckles, and tiny braids in her wavy hair. I stare at her for a long time. We are both dressed in white and gray jumpsuits, and are sitting in what looks like an outdoor cafeteria. It is sunny.

The huge room is filled with tables, lined up uniformly, organizing the various groups. There are tables of people wearing red jumpsuits, purple, black, etc. All organized neatly.

The blonde woman and I are seated at a circular table, where as the rest of the tables are rectangular. Our group looks older than the rest, who appear to be teenagers. The man to my left is much older than us, and his jumpsuit is all white. He has a nice smile. He is talking about doing a ropes course, and is asking what our opinions are about various activities. The blonde woman likes archery.

My lunch tray is piled with food. Pizza, fried chicken, a steak, broccoli, mashed potatoes, man ‘n cheese, buttered toast, a burrito, and a bowl of soup. There might have been more than that. I’m taking small bites and listening to the rest of my group talk. I can hear a jet, and look up to see that it is landing gracefully right outside of the roofless walls where we are. A sudden burst of wind sends napkins and empty plastic cups flying across the room, and a team of janitors, wearing brown uniforms, rushes in to clean it up. I’m reminded of the military.

My group and I are getting on the jet, along with a group of teenagers, dressed in green and white jumpsuits. Everyone is smiling as we take off, speeding like a bullet through the air. We are flying low to the ground, which isn’t actually ground, it is water. Behind us is the island in the middle of the ocean where we took off from. All I can see is endless blue ocean.

We land on another island, just a few minutes later, in the middle of a lush, green, jungle. In the distance I can see two futuristic circular houses. Our guide shows up to lead us through the forest, and she reminds me a lot of Laura Croft. Actually, I’m fairly certain that it was Laura Croft.

At the houses, we separate. The boys go into one house, the girls into the other. The insides are absolutely enormous, compared to the outside, which looked like space pods (if you remember the tents from Harry Potter, you’ll understand). Aside from myself, and the blonde woman, there is another woman from our group, who is much older. She seems like a bit of a bitch, and just glares at everyone and everything, seemingly judging. There are also four teenage girls in the other group, which run into the rooms to pick their bunks.

I walk back outside, and kneel down to take a drink from a gravity-defying stream of water running down a nearby tree and over the foliage and rocks on the ground. One of the teenage boys yells that he found a wounded animal, and I, along with a few others, rush over to him. On the ground is a creature that looks like a cross between a rabbit and a cat, and it’s head is missing. Everyone starts crying, and the older man from the group wraps the tiny creature and buries it. They have a service as well.

I am helping a young girl stand up after she fell off of a tightrope during our ropes course training. Her knee is bleeding, and one of the other adults and I get her to a nearby medical van to bandage her knee. The other man seems upset and worried that her blood will attract something to our location, and he closes the door, locking me out. I turn around and the rest of the teenagers and adults standing perfectly still, staring off in the opposite direction. In the distance, I can see an enormous shape moving, but it is see-through and camouflaged. Someone screams, and we all turn to run. I never saw what the thing was, but it chased us through the woods, picking us off one-by-one, until only a few of us were left.

We made it back to the jet, and took off immediately. The oldest man, two teenage boys, a teenage girl, and myself, were the only ones left of the original 14 or so. Our guide is also gone. I realize that no one is actually flying the jet, but that it is being controlled by the old man, who is calmly speaking orders to it. The three teenagers are all crying, covered in blood, but are not injured. I look out the window, and the island disappears in the distance. The old man writes something down in a little book he pulls out of his coat, and sighs heavily.

Back on our island, the man briefs another group on what happened, and they nod. They leave to prepare their groups for the next ropes course. I’m not sure if they are going back to that island or not, but I assume they are.

I walk with the teenagers to a large infirmity, where they each receive shots from a very pretty nurse, who winks at me. This makes the boys laugh. I leave them there and walk to a large command center, which is now part of a spaceship. I’ll let you guess which one.

The captain is scolding me about having blood on my uniform, when something suddenly slams into the ship violently, and we are all thrown to the floor. There is a large, blur outside the ship, covered in splotches of bright, red blood.

The captain calmly tells everyone to retreat to the basement (basement on a spaceship, sure…), and we rush down several flights of stairs, to a basement, which hilariously resembles a crappy laundry room in an old house. One of the crew members has cooler filled with bottled water, and passes it around to everyone. I grab one, but my water has swirls of blue in it, and I decide not to drink it.

The captain starts yelling at a female crew member about smoking a cigarette on a spaceship…

And then I woke up.