Dream Journal 9/26/16 | Missing Baby

A nurse came in and asked me if I knew how far along I was. Confused, I asked her what she meant, and she informed me that I was pregnant, and pretty far along.

I was lying in a hospital bed, screaming in pain. A friend from high school was sitting by my side, as we waited for the doctor. A nurse came in and asked me if I knew how far along I was. Confused, I asked her what she meant, and she informed me that I was pregnant, and pretty far along. Continue reading “Dream Journal 9/26/16 | Missing Baby”

Dream Journal 6/21/16 | Dream #2: Bad Boys

She started throwing handfuls of grass at me, and the operator told me that police were on their way, then asked me if I wanted anything to drink…

Kyle and I were awoken in the middle of the night by loud hollering and talking outside out bedroom window. I peered through the blinds and saw 3 teenage boys, around 15-16 years old, standing around a car parked on the grass beneath our window. Suddenly, they all turned and stared at me, as I watched them through the blinds. One of the kids flipped me the middle finger, while the others laughed. I walked away from the window and grabbed my phone, ready to call the police. I went to the window to show them that I was going to call the police if they didn’t leave, and one of the kids started taking pictures of me through the window. Continue reading “Dream Journal 6/21/16 | Dream #2: Bad Boys”

From Sunshine to Storming

Hello, friends.

Yesterday was… well, it was something. For the last couple of days, Kyle and I had been compiling a list of projects and things to buy that we wanted to complete on Friday (yesterday), since it was his one day off. I’ve really been stressing out about my mom’s visit, so I’ve been pushing to get as much done as possible around the house. Since Kyle’s other job put him back into a full-time position, he’s been working a lot more, and hasn’t been able to help me with some of the bigger projects I want to do, so yesterday was our big push day. We still had plenty of money in savings to spend on some needed things, thanks to his new hours, so we were excited to get it all done.

Our to do list for yesterday was:
1) Lower Liam’s crib
2) Clean out the hallway closet and laundry room (both still filled with boxes of crap from when we moved in 1.5 years ago…)
3) Clean out our kitchen junk drawer
4) Finish the dishes and throw out old/unwanted dishes
5) Hang my new paper towel holder
6) Fix and install our AC unit
7) Buy a new organizer for Liam’s room so I could re-organize his stuff
8) Buy new throw pillows for the couch
9) Vacuum and deep clean the living room carpet
10) Transfer Kyle’s tools into his new, larger tool box, and store them away
11) Hang up my DIY scarf holder in the bedroom
12) Buy a new inner tube for my stroller tire
13) Go grocery shopping

Yeah… QUITE the list. Did I mention that we had to do all of this while Liam was awake and running loose, because it would all make too much noise if he was sleeping? That was fun. Luckily, when we put our strengths together, we make a really productive team, and in just two hours, we got all of that list done, with the exception of lowering the crib, because the ONE tool we needed, we could not find in our collection, and all of the shopping stiff, which would come later when we went out. Liam was very well-behaved the entire time!

We left the house a little after 1:00, and it was gorgeous outside. 72 degrees, sunny, and not a cloud in the sky. We stopped in at two local hardware stores to try and find a new inner tube for my stroller tire. Both places did not have the size we needed, but told us about a bike shop nearby that probably had it. Before going there, we stopped at my bank so that I could cash the check my mom sent me for my birthday (5 days!) so I could put it into Kyle’s account. The woman informed me that I couldn’t cash it all… because I only had 14 cents in my account. Oops… So I deposited some into my account, cashed the rest, and off we went.

The bicycle shop ended up being next door to a bra boutique that I had been wanting to check out for YEARS, so while Kyle went to get the inner tube, I went bra hunting with Liam. I got fitted by an amazingly nice woman, and began the process of trying on expensive pieces of cloth to cover my boobs. I’m quite a large size, so cute, cheap bras at Walmart and Target are not an option for me. I found the perfect, most amazing bra, but could only buy one due to the price. I let it be my birthday present to myself, since the inner tube only cost us $8. Kyle and Liam chatted with the ladies in the shop, who all absolutely adored my son, and then we left, happy with our finds, as well as our accomplishments thus far.

Next, we stopped at Menards to buy the tools we needed to lower the crib, and some CLR for another project I decided to add to the list. Then, we went to Arby’s and grabbed a late lunch for Kyle and I (Liam ate at home), before heading to Walmart to grab the rest of our items.

This is where things start to go bad…

As we pulled into the Walmart parking lot, Arby’s in hand, we noted that the skies had started getting darker, and clouds were rolling in. We turned off the car to quickly eat our food, but when Kyle turned the key to roll our windows up before we went in, the car would not start. We tried, and tried, and tried. Nothing. It sounded like it was trying to turn over, so it wasn’t the battery, but nothing would get this car to start. Kyle, having the temper he has, immediately got frustrated, as we have had nothing but nonstop car troubles for the last 3 years. We JUST had to have this car looked at, due to an unrelated issue we were having a few weeks ago, and now this.

We gave up, went in, and got only about half of our list, as we didn’t know the outcome of the car situation, and did not want to grab anything from the freezer. Sure enough, the car still wouldn’t start, and we had to call Kyle’s mom for a ride, and a tow truck to get our car to Sears. While waiting outside for his mom, it started pouring rain, thundering, lightning, and there was some crazy wind. We had left our coats in the car because of the nice weather, and quickly retreated in. We were still waiting, when I grabbed Liam to change his diaper, and discovered that I had started my period as well.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

The tow cost us $85 to tow it less than half a mile, but we have roadside assistance, so we won’t have to pay it, but Sears couldn’t look at it until 3pm Saturday (today). Kyle’s mom showed up, and we loaded our stuff into her van, and I had to put Liam into his cousin’s car seat in the back. Not only was it front-facing (he’s still just a bit too small for that), but the straps were twisted, uneven, the clip was caked with food and goop, and the car seat in general was filthy and sticky. I was trying to wrestle him into the car seat, which was impossible because there were cars honking at me, and almost hitting me (his mom did not park wisely…), and rain falling on me, and wind blowing me around, and my kid was NOT happy about any of it.

I finally got him in safely, climbed in the front seat, soaking wet, and we went home. We got all the groceries and items in, I thanked her for the ride, and she left to meet Kyle at Sears. Liam and I put the groceries away, realizing only then that we had left the inner tube, stroller tire, completely full drinks from Arby’s, and my sweatshirt in our car. Ugh. Nothing we could do about it at that point.

I quickly made some broccoli and a sandwich for Liam as a late dinner, only making toast for myself, despite feeling famished. Afterwards, we sat in front of the TV, watching Monster Fish, both completely exhausted from the day. I had a cramp that could have rivaled a contraction, a headache that could knock down a horse, my nerves were shot, and I was shaking. When Kyle came home, he was in an awful mood, understandably. I tried my best to play with Liam until bed time, but because he missed a nap during the day, he was a cranky mess. All he wanted to do was pull my hair, grab at my face, and hit me with one of his toy bucket, which was making me cranky. After he bit me on my leg while we were playing on the floor (he’s been teething like crazy lately), causing me to bleed, I put him down for bed half an hour early, and he passed out instantly. Not even our neighbor’s ridiculous noise woke him up. Kyle and I sat down and watched Chopped on Netflix, but ended up going to bed early as well. Luckily, Liam slept through the night, because we were SO tired.

Kyle was able to find a coworker to give him a ride to work this morning, but our car still can’t be looked at until 3pm. We don’t know what’s wrong, or how much it will cost us, but we don’t have a choice. We need the car, so we need to get the problem fixed.

So much for my birthday money… Why does this always happen to me?

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Daily Prompt 3/16/2016 | Envy

Take some time to appreciate your cards, because while you may not have a Royal Flush, your Full House is still better than that other guy’s hand, which spontaneously combusted, burning both the cards, and his hands, and then he was rushing to the hospital, but he didn’t have insurance because he lives in a crappy country with an even crappier healthcare system, and he were slapped with an outrageous medical bill that he will never be able to pay because he never got to finish school, because he couldn’t afford the high tuition at the community college he attended, and has since been stuck working horrible jobs that pay poverty wages, making it impossible for him to go back to school to finish his education, even though he really, really wants to so that he can have a better life, but now he is horribly in debt, and now people will call him lazy for the rest of his life without knowing a damn thing about his struggles to try and build a better life for himself.

In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 3/16/2016 | Envy

One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to myself is my somewhat lack of appreciation for the things that I have. Yes, I am aware that this is a huge, obnoxious flaw on my otherwise sterling list of personality traits, but I also feel like we are all guilty of this to some degree, even if we try to say that we aren’t. We live in a society that tells us that our worth is based off of what we look like, and how much stuff we have, and this makes us want more and more, even when we already have all that we need. Everyone does it. Try as I may, I can not seem to change this ugly thing about myself, though I have gotten much better about accepting my life and certain situations in recent years.

I think my envious nature peaked in high school, and plateaued pretty terribly over the next few years. I was jealous of every single person that I met, sometimes over the most ridiculous things. So much so, that I became bitter toward people, even complete strangers, for having things that I did not. And, of course, when you focus all your energy on all of the things that you don’t have, you don’t leave yourself enough energy to love the things you do have, especially when it comes to personal things, such as appearance.

I still have days where I want to curl up into a tiny ball of hatred thanks to my envy of the most trivial, unimportant things, but I’ve got a pretty decent handle on it these days. Growing up, and starting a family, has opened my eyes, and has helped me appreciate many of the things that I do have in my life, both big and small.

I’ve struggled with my weight throughout most of my teenage and adult life, and sometimes, when I see a thin girl wearing something cute that I don’t think I could pull off, I get upset. But then I remind myself that I am aware of my body, and I am working on it, and some day, I could wear that same outfit with confidence. She may have insecurities as well. No one is perfect. Yes, I have a weight problem, but I am otherwise healthy. I have perfect blood pressure, perfect cholesterol, no major back problems, and no underlying medical conditions that attribute to my weight issue that would make it impossible to lose weight. I am healthy, and if I really hate my appearance that much, I do have the power to change it. The only thing stopping me, is me.

I also get jealous over gorgeous hair, flawless skin, full lips, etc… but hey, that is just genetics. And those who don’t have it, either embrace what they were born with, or fake it. And I don’t particularly want to be fake.

The one thing that I have been obnoxiously proud of in my life is my son. My handsome, energetic, brilliant son. My son, who has been sleeping through the night, every night, since he was 4 months old. My son, who is tall and skinny and perfect. My son, who amazes me every day with how advanced he is with his development. My son, who embraces strangers’ children at the park because he loves people and playing. I am so freaking proud of the little human that I created, and I pat myself on the back for being a huge factor in who he is today. I rock.

Moving on…

Money. Everyone wants more money. People who say money doesn’t matter, or money can’t buy happiness, are lying. Have you ever been behind on paying your bills, and have run the risk of having your power and heat shut off in the middle of winter? Have you ever looked in your cabinet, and saw that your baby was almost out of formula, and it would be a solid week before you could afford more? These things cause massive amounts of stress and anxiety on people. I’ve struggled with these things. Luckily, our financial situation has stabilized, and we are so much better off than we were just a year ago. My husband works his butt off so that I can stay home to raise our beautiful son, and we are still able to have full bellies and paid bills, even with only one of of working. We have a crummy apartment, but we aren’t homeless. We don’t have a Mercedes, but we have a reliable car that gets us around safely. We don’t have new, high end furniture, but we have comfy beds where we dream of a better future, a used couch that my son loves to climb on, and everything in our apartment serves it’s purpose.

Being jealous of what other people have is normal, in my opinion. I find myself still feeling it from time to time, most often with my sister-in-law, who is two months younger than me, but she has a house, two cars, and is constantly decorating and redecorating her home in beautiful ways. But I also know that she is in debt. A lot of debt. I have no debt. None at all. I also have a phenomenal credit score, and I don’t even have any credit cards. When she got pregnant at a young age, she lived at home with her mother for a long time with her boyfriend, and did not have to work to pay bills. They were able to just save and save and save. Her now husband has a great job, and was able to support her for several years, and was able to buy her a car, and pay for her to go to school, so that she could get a decent job, and they were able to save up until they could buy a house.

She is still in debt, and complains about it often, yet is constantly buying new furniture, and gets her nails and hair done bi-weekly. Having the prettiest house on Pinterest, and the most sparkly nails at work, are not goals that I want to obtain. I want my son to have a college fund. I don’t feel like the understands the value of money, and how crippling debt can be, because of being handed things, and I guess that is where we vary. Our situations are wildly different, because we had different advantages and disadvantages, which obviously would lead to different outcomes.

I got off on a bit of a tangent, and I’m not quite sure where I was going, so I guess I’ll leave it there. Sorry about that. I guess what I was trying to say was that everyone has a different story, and that green may be my favorite color, but it is not flattering to wear green on your heart. Everyone has been dealt a different set of cards, and that will have a huge impact on the game and how we play it.

Take some time to appreciate your cards, because while you may not have a Royal Flush, your Full House is still better than that other guy’s hand, which spontaneously combusted, burning both the cards, and his hands, and then he was rushing to the hospital, but he didn’t have insurance because he lives in a crappy country with an even crappier healthcare system, and he were slapped with an outrageous medical bill that he will never be able to pay because he never got to finish school, because he couldn’t afford the high tuition at the community college he attended, and doesn’t have anyone who can help him out financially, so he has since been stuck working menial, dead end jobs that pay poverty wages, making it impossible for him to go back to school to finish his education, even though he really, really wants to so that he can have a better life, but now he is horribly in debt, and now people will call him lazy for the rest of his life without knowing a damn thing about his struggles to try and build a better life for himself.

Yeah. You’re probably at least slightly better off than that guy. So appreciate your shit.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Dream Journal 2/14/16

Present day.

Kyle and I were sitting on the couch watching some animated movie, while Liam was dragging all of his stuffed animals over to the couch, and placing them at my feet. Kyle asked me if I had left a faucet on somewhere in the apartment, because we could hear running water, but I hadn’t. After a little while, we got up to double-check, because the sound was still happening, but found nothing.

Liam started crying, and threw one of his bears at me, and I realized that the bear was wet. I looked down, and saw that our entire living room was flooding with water. Kyle and I jumped up and started panicking, looking around frantically, trying to find where the water was coming from. I picked up Liam, who was now screaming from being wet and uncomfortable, and Kyle shouted for me to come to the bathroom. In the bathroom, water was cascading down each of the walls, appearing out of thin air. We ran from the bathroom back to the living room, and suddenly, water was trickling down all of the walls in the apartment, in varying severity.

There was a knock at our door, and I answered it, still carrying a crying toddler. My upstairs neighbor asked if everything was okay, but took one look at our apartment, and stormed in, determined to help us. I went to change Liam, and luckily all of the clothes in his dresser were still dry, because everything in our apartment was soaking wet. when we went back to the living room, my neighbor was on a ladder, trying to figure out where the water was coming from, but he couldn’t find anything either.

I looked out the window, and saw that there was a bad snow storm happening, and that we couldn’t leave. I was soaked and shivering, and Liam was crying, but I opened the front and back doors to that the water could pour out. When I opened the door, the water went out, but started to freeze around my feet and ankles. I brought Liam into our room and shut the door. I sat on the bed, which was soaking wet. I could hear Kyle and the landlord calling people on the phone out in the living room. Liam fell asleep on my shoulder, and we sat in the room until Kyle came in, told me to pack a bag, because we had to leave.

I packed all of the dry clothes that I could find, but couldn’t bring anything else. Back in the living room, they had shut the door to keep the cold out, and the water was up to their knees. We opened the door and left, and our neighbor went up to his apartment, still talking on the phone. The snow had nearly stopped as we ran out to the car, and I started crying as I put Liam on my lap in the front seat. His car seat had been in the living room, and was wet. Kyle called his mom to ask if we could spend the night at her house, but she only yelled at him for calling her while she was at work, and wouldn’t listen. After she hung up, Kyle started the car, and we drove to the McDonald’s a few towns over, which is open 24 hours, and went inside. Liam was still asleep on me, so I put our clothes down on one of the booths to make a bed, and put him down. Kyle went to order us food, and people turned to stare at us.

My pants had ice and frost on them and I brushed them off. An old woman across the restaurant got up and started walking towards me, but stopped, shaking her head, and turned back. I was still crying when Kyle brought our tray over, and I hungrily shoved french fries in my mouth.

Kyle got up to get our drinks, and the old woman started approaching him…

And then I woke up.

Daily Prompt 2/14/2016 | Thanks, Hindsight

The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 2/14/2016 | Thanks, Hindsight

“How is the year shaping up for you so far? Have your predictions come true, or did you have to face a curve ball or two?”

This year started out rough, and hasn’t showed any signs of improving thus far. The optimist in me wants to believe that, even though it had a rough start, it will be a better year than last year… but the realist in me knows that will probably not happen. That’s just how it goes for me. Unless Kyle and I find some way to get away from the toxicity in this area, then it just won’t happen. I’m tired of people telling me things like, “Life is what you make it.” and other similar, meaningless phrases, when that simply isn’t true. Why on earth would I want to put myself through these types of things? Or my family? Life can be shit sometimes, and more often than not, I didn’t make it that way, and can’t do much about it.

If there were one thing that I wish I could have seen coming, it would be all of this unnecessary, ridiculous drama with Kyle’s family. Specifically, about this car situation, which we are finally done with. If you don’t know about all of that, you can read about it here. Kyle’s mom took the Journey off of our hands, and we have our Lincoln, and that is that. I should have seen it coming, as his family is comprised of mostly controlling, overly dramatic women, each generation more petty than the previous one, and they have always ganged up on him, twisting his words, digging up things from the past, and purposely trying to make him angry. They do it with each other as well, constantly fighting and being immature, but whenever Kyle is around, he is their target. Always. There is no reason for it, and it is usually unprovoked. There isn’t a damn adult in the whole bunch, I swear. You may think I am biased, as Kyle is my partner, but rest assured, when he is guilty of being an ass, I call him out on it myself.

Let me give you a little background. Before Kyle and I met, his family was brutal. His grandmothers, specifically, can be just awful, and they passed that down to his mother and aunts, who then passed it down to his sisters. No joke, it is a trickle down of pure bitchiness. When we started dating, his sisters eased up a bit, but his mom was… insane. There is an age difference between Kyle and I of almost 5 years, but he was 18 and legal when we started dating. His mother was not okay with this, despite letting his sisters, who were 22 and barely 16 at the time, go wild. I don’t even drink, and neither does Kyle, but she was convinced that I was going to destroy his world. Or something. She even used an app to track his iPhone, and would drive to wherever we were hanging out, and stalk us. Even in broad daylight. Let me remind you, he was 18 years old at the time. His oldest sister already had a child, and the youngest was mouthy, sleeping around, and drank constantly. All under her roof. Heck, when the youngest was nearly 17, she had a pregnancy scare from a one night stand during a party at her mom’s house, while she was out of town, and her mom was a little too okay with it. Yet when we excitedly announced that we were expecting our son a few years later, we faced a lot of harsh criticism and skepticism from the entire family, despite having a place of our own, steady income, and a strong relationship.

They eased up a bit once they realized that I wasn’t going anywhere, because they saw that I didn’t allow that kind of garbage to happen around me, especially when he doesn’t deserve it, and I spoke up. They have since stopped caring. Half of the time, it seems like they are joking, but I know better. They don’t drag me into things, and leave me out of aggressive group conversations, I think because I am intimidating or something, which has worked out for me. Unfortunately, since I do get left out, I have to hear everything from Kyle secondhand, and he doesn’t seem to realize that I know when he is lying to me, or stretching the truth. Even when I call him on something that I know isn’t true, he gets defensive. Why? Why do people do that?

Anyway.

So, yeah, if I had foreseen all of this hostility surrounding us purchasing the Journey from his aunt, I would never have allowed Kyle to do it. We even had reservations at the start, because loaning/buying from family can get really messy. And it certainly did. This all could have been avoided had his aunt been upfront with us on exactly how much we would be paying, but instead, she took advantage of our desperation for a vehicle, and gave us a car that we could not afford in the long run, then hid that from us for months. When we confronted her about somehow still owing over $700 more than the original price that we were told, after having paid over $1000 into the loan already (not even including the $1,100 that we’ve put into it in repairs, because we were lied to about the condition of the vehicle by everyone who already knew), she got defensive, and dragged Kyle’s grandmother and mother into the conversation, where they had no business being. Instead of owning it, and handling it like an adult, she acted like a child, and pulled two more immature parties into the situation, who did nothing but spout out ignorance, and ask bad questions.

That was what pissed me off.

His grandmother even took is upon herself to inform Kyle’s aunt that we were planning on getting rid of the Journey, and were looking for a new car. The kicker? She didn’t know that. Nobody did. We had decided the night before that we were going to do that. She was just trying to create drama, and she succeeded. In the days following, just like the month before, we were called ungrateful, among other things, for not wanting the vehicle anymore. I think they were just upset that they were losing a small amount of control that they had on us.

So, no, this year is not going as well as I had hoped, and I refuse to believe that it will get much better. Whenever I try to be positive, and let any amount of hope into my life, it all comes crashing down anyway, and I end up hurt and disappointed. So why bother?

Damn, I got myself all worked up writing this post out. Crazy families, man. What can I say? I’m going to go watch some Flashpoint on Netflix with my fiance (amazing show, check it out), and enjoy the last few hours of Valentine’s Day. Hope you’re all having a good day, however you choose, or don’t choose, to celebrate.

Thank you for reading, friends.

Jan

Daily Prompt 2/11/2016 | Under My Skin

The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 2/11/2016 | Quirk of Habit

“Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others.”

Strangely enough, peoples’ various quirks don’t bother me all that much. There are a few things that I would prefer that people refrain from doing around me, but nothing too crazy. I’ve seen people get physically angry at someone smacking their gum, or clicking a pen, or constantly clearing phlegm from their throats (okay, that one is pretty gross though…), but I’m just not one of those people. I’m not perfect, and I know I probably do things that might annoy other peoples, and I’m okay with that.

I do enjoy when people are kind, and do nice things for others, without being given orders to do so. I greatly admire people in the medical community, specifically doctors and nurses, who give up sleep, sanity, and often times family, to help others. I admire volunteers, whether it be once a month at a food kitchen, or every day at an animal shelter. People who sacrifice a little bit from their lives to improve the lives of others. Those people are just wonderful.

So, habits don’t bother me, but I guess you could say certain personalities do. Even certain, tiny aspects of peoples’ personalities. Is that a habit? I actually don’t know. Let me just give you a few examples of things that do get to me, and be warned, this is going to get a bit ranty, and may likely offend someone.

1) When teenage girls refer to a grown man, who is a complete stranger, as “daddy” on the internet, and says things like “fuck me“. I specifically see this on Facebook/Twitter/YouTube, directed at YouTubers, or musicians, etc., and it is SO creepy. Now, I’m no prude, and I’m definitely not going to judge grown men and women who call their partners “mommy” or “daddy“, or any variation of the two, in the bedroom, because that is none of my business. But when a 12-year old girl comments on a 29-year old YouTuber’s Instagram selfie with “OMG daddy fuck me“, I get concerned. Where the hell are the parents? Who is teaching them this? Ugh. That really gets to me. It is just so unhealthy.

Related irks: People who obsessively “ship” two real people, young teenagers writing VERY smutty fanfiction, stalkers.

2) People who blatantly fish for compliments. I’ll be the first to admit that I have low self-esteem, and I know there are many out there who feel the same way about themselves. Recently, on Facebook, a friend of a friend shared an image of a piece of paper that simple said “Share this if your ugly!“. Grammatical error aside, things like this piss me off, because this is 110% for attention. The ONLY reason to post something like this is to get responses like, “Aww, no, you’re beautiful!” but this is the wrong way to do it, and it just irks people, and makes you look insane. The kicker in this situation was that the girl was GORGEOUS, and upon further snooping, I discovered that she is actually a MODEL. Are you joking? No. Just stop.

3) People who constantly butt into other peoples’ issues and problems. As many of you know, we recently had to deal with some stupid, family drama surrounding the Dodge Journey that we received from Kyle’s aunt. Well, as of last night, we got a new car (that gorgeous Lincoln LS), and Kyle’s mom took the Journey off our hands to use as a second vehicle. But just a few days prior, our drama reached a boiling point, when Kyle’s grandmother poked her nose into a matter that did not concern her, and tried to play middle woman, but ended up twisting everything that Kyle said, passing along false information (lies), and ultimately made the whole situation 10000% worse. In the end, Kyle ended up blocking his grandmother, and both of his aunts, and we most likely won’t be attending Christmas this year. Ugh. If a problem has nothing to do with you, then leave it alone. If it is not directly affecting your life, then butt out, and let the other parties sort it out.

And now… the big one. I’ll apologize ahead of time. Sorry.

4) I’m not religious, but I am also not disrespectful towards people tho choose to believe in what they believe in, as long as they are not forcing those beliefs on others in order to control them and their lives. We’re all living on this planet together, and life is too short to hate on someone for believing in something different. With that being said, one of the things that bothers me more than ANYTHING else, is people who use the Bible to justify their hatred of something, i.e. homosexuality, but cherry-pick through the rest of the sins, simply because they want to do them. You all know what I’m talking about. Saying that you hate homosexuality because it is an abomination, because the Bible says so, but being guilty of ANY of the following, makes you a hypocrite:

Divorce/Adultery.
Love of money.
Any of the following dietary abominations: eating shellfish, eating many kinds of birds, eating anything that has many legs, or stands on four legs, and eating and touching PORK!
A woman wearing PANTS.
LYING, guys. That’s a big one!
Arrogance.
Blatantly ignoring the law.
Wearing mixed fabrics.

Getting a HAIRCUT, or shaving your beard.

So, if you’ve done any of those things, which I know you have, guess what? Those are all considered just as sinful as homosexuality. Those are abominations, according to the book that you quote from, to prevent two people who love each other from getting married, or living happily. You can’t pick and choose what things to be an asshole about, just because you like to eat shrimp, and think that two men kissing is icky, or unnatural. Guess what? There are over 1,500 species of animals that display homosexual behavior, and many of these species are older than the human race. You can’t get any more natural than nature, folks. So, I’m sorry, but that just isn’t how it works.

Now, if I remember anything from my time in the Brownies, I seem to recall that the original book was written with no punctuation, and was completely open to interpretation, and has changed so many times throughout the years, to fit the specific beliefs of whomever was interpreting it. If this is correct, then couldn’t it be possible that many of these things, as well as homosexuality, were not originally meant to be labelled as abominations, but the words were misinterpreted as such? Just something to consider.

As I said before, I personally don’t believe in any of this. I lead a life free of religion. I do believe that, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, or infringing on someone’s legal and human rights, then everyone deserves to be happy. But you need to understand that there are so many religions that are practiced on this earth, and not everyone believes in yours, and they all have different rules, which are open to interpretation, and we are all live vastly different lives, and just accept that. Stop thinking that just because someone chooses to believe differently, or acknowledge different things, that you and your beliefs are being threatened. Relax, folks. I do apologize if this offended anyone, but if it did, then maybe you have some things you need to think about?

Anyway, I’m done. Those are some of the big ones for me. I’m not trying to start a debate in the comments, or attack anyone’s beliefs, I’m just trying to tell you things how I see and interpret them.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Family Drama, Car Drama, Drama Drama Drama!

Hello, friends. I have something that I just need to rant about for a minute, if you don’t mind. As some of you may recall, back in September, our Ford Mustang suddenly stopped running, leaving us without a vehicle. At the time, I was still not working, and Kyle was only working one job, and we had no funds to get it fixed, let alone enough for a new car. After going to multiple banks and lenders, and coming away without a single loan for a cheap vehicle, we were forced to ask Kyle’s mother for rides. We reached out to friends and family, to anyone who would help us out, and maybe work with us on payments for a vehicle, as Kyle was about to start working at his second job, a distribution center, and we would soon have enough to make payments on a car.

In late September, Kyle’s aunt informed us that she and her wife had been trying to sell their 2009 Dodge Journey for a while, and had been unsuccessful. Kyle had just started working at the DC, and his paychecks were phenomenal, so when they told us that they only had $5500 left to pay on the vehicle, and we could pay $275 a month for it, we decided that it was within our price range. We even decided to pay $300 a month, since that would help pay it off faster. We realized that we had lost the key for the Mustang, and had to sell it for $800 less than the price we were hoping to get for it. We later found the key, of course.

Some drama went down between Kyle’s aunt and her wife, and we almost didn’t get the vehicle, because they were fighting, and just to spite us, her wife said that we couldn’t have the vehicle. We were so upset. You can read all about that drama in this post. Well, it ended up all kind of working out in the end, and we got the vehicle. The Journey was massive compared to our Mustang. There was so much room in the back seat, and in the back. It was such an upgrade.

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Of course, just like everything else in our life, days later, it started falling apart. We’ve had to take it to several garages, one of which was over an hour away, because his aunt wanted us to use her guys, to fix issues that we were unaware of when we got the vehicle, and have had to pay more in repairs than we’ve paid for the vehicle itself so far. Kyle, who is unable to contain his urges to vent on social media, mentioned car troubles in a status, which caused a shit storm of drama from his mom, grandmother, sister, and aunt, who always seem to find a reason to gang up and attack him. They began putting words in his mouth, and calling us ungrateful, etc. What was his status that caused all of this?

“I just want a vehicle that runs.”

THAT. That was it. Luckily, it blew over pretty quickly.

We were on track to finish paying off the car later this month, once Kyle gets his tax return, but then more shit happened. Of course! Just a few days ago, Kyle asked his aunt to check how much exactly was left to pay on the vehicle, so we would know how much we would have left after paying it off. Her response? $5700. We somehow owe $5700 on a vehicle that we were originally told was going to cost us $5500, that we’ve been making $300 payments on since September. I’m no mathematician, but WHAT?

Now, I know there’s a chorus of voices out there saying something about interest, blah blah blah. Well, we were NEVER told any of this. We were told (and have written proof), that she owed $5500, and that is how much we had to pay. Had we known that it would be over $1000 more than that, we never would have gotten it. Apparently, we also owe more because we are not paying in cash, which would be impossible for us since her bank is over an hour away from us. All of this information was held from us, until we asked about it on that day, and she made us feel like idiots for not knowing all of this. We are furious. Because now, not only will we not be able to pay this piece of garbage vehicle off with our tax returns, but we will still owe more on it, and definitely won’t be able to get the washer and dryer that we were planning on getting, which we DESPERATELY need. So, yea, we’re pissed off.

After Kyle had a word with his aunt, she texted his mom to whine about us (without giving her all the facts, mind you), who then stuck her nose into it, and started bitching about how grateful we should be that we even got a vehicle. A vehicle that we can’t afford, mind you, because we were lied to about the total amount owed, and because we’ve had to put nearly a grand into it in repairs, in just a few months. And we should be grateful? Grateful that she lied to us, and took advantage of us, because she knew how desperate we were? Um, hell no.

We could have kept getting rides until Kyle had saved up a few paychecks to get a vehicle. We would have been fine. But they insisted, and we were excited, because it seemed like a nice vehicle, within our price range. Boy, were we wrong.

So, we’ve been looking into getting a new vehicle. Kyle has been trying to get a small loan, since he now has a decent credit score, but has had no luck, once again. Luckily, we found a guy who is willing to hold a 2005 Lincoln LS for us until Kyle gets his money. It really is a nice car, with only 100k miles (half the amount that the Journey has), and automatic everything. After a bit of negotiating, they agreed on a price of $3200 for it, which includes the cost of title and plates. The dealer apparently knows Kyle from his automotive class back in the high school, and has his own dealership. We had to put down a $100 deposit to hold it, which Kyle was more than happy to do. Our plan is to fully pay off that car with Kyle’s tax return, and then sell the Journey for the remaining amount that we owe, or as close as we can get to it, and be rid of that piece of crap for good. The only problem is that we don’t have the title, his aunt does, of course. So whoever we sell it to will have to wait a bit for them to send us the title, once it is paid off, if she doesn’t sign it over to us beforehand. There’s nothing else we can really do, right?

This has all been so frustrating. Kyle really likes the LS, but I am a bit disappointed about giving up the roominess of the Journey. But, I suppose it is for the best. I am so tired of this drama, and so tired of being called ungrateful, and being judged for no reason. I just want a freaking vehicle that we can all fit into comfortably, that runs well, and that we can fit our damn stroller in. Seriously!

Ugh. I guess that’s it. I’ll update you guys if anything changes or progresses with this situation. This little beauty should hopefully be ours within a month or so, unless something else goes horribly wrong.

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Thanks for reading, friends. Sorry about the rant.

Jan

Dream Journal 1/30/16

Present day.

I was out for a walk with Liam, when I saw something sticking out from a sewer drain, very Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory style. I bent to pick it up, and discovered that it was an unscratched lottery ticket. I put it in my pocket, and continued on our walk. The entire time, all I could think about was the ticket, and I kept reaching my hand into my pocket to make sure it was still there. Liam and I were walking to the store anyway, so I decided that I would scratch it once we got there.

Once we got to the store, I began stacking items on top of the stroller. I pulled out the lottery ticket, and scratched it with a quarter. I stopped and stared down at the ticket, realizing that I had scratched off several matching items, revealing a prize of $42,000,000. I looked around, thinking it was a joke, but no one was there, no one was looking. I silently walked up to the register to pay for my stuff, and handed the woman my ticket. Her eyes widened, and she scanned it, causing a loud celebratory jingle to play over the register. She started screaming and jumping up and down, and came around the counter and hugged me. The manager came out, and handed me a check for $42,000,000. Just like that.

I said goodbye to them, and rushed out of the store before anyone else could see me. I headed straight for my bank, which had conveniently teleported right next door, and deposited my check. The teller who helped me sobbed hysterically as she gave me my receipt, displaying a balance of $42,000,327. I thanked her, and ducked out the door. I was in shock. I quickly went home, put Liam down for a nap, and got online.

I paid off the rest of our lease on our horrible apartment, and proceeded up buy a large, beautiful house that Kyle and I had been dreaming out and looking at, but knew that we could never afford. I then called a moving company, paid them a large amount of money to pack up my apartment, and move everything to the new house. While they came to pack everything up, I bought a brand new truck that Kyle had been eyeing, and had it delivered to the new house.

Liam woke up, and I got a ride to our new house, which was already unpacked. I texted Kyle, who wouldn’t be off of work for several hours, and told him that he needed to meet me at the address, and that I was visiting with friends. I then got online, and bought all new furniture, decor, and other odds and ends for our new house.

Kyle got off work, came to the house, and rang the doorbell. When I opened the door, and he saw some of our furniture inside, he was shocked. I sobbed, and hugged him, and told him about everything that had happened. I then gave him a tour of the new house, including his 4-car garage, with built-in workshop, and finally, his new truck. He cried and smiled and we just hugged each other while Liam ran around the large, beautiful front yard.

We decided that we were then going to finish paying off Kyle’s mom’s mortgage, buy her a new SUV, and a new truck for Kyle’s step-father. I also deposited $50,000 into my mom’s bank account, and sent her a long email, telling her about everything. We never told Kyle’s mom about her new vehicles, and had her van towed while she was working. She called us, in a complete panic, telling us that her van had been stolen. Just then, a driver pulled up with her new SUV, and she broke down in tears, thanking us over and over again.

We then donated $25,000 to the local Humane Society, which we went into to adopt a dog. We were walking through the kennels, looking at the various dogs…

And then I woke up.

Random Prompt | Earliest Memory

“What is your earliest memory?”

A shark fin.

Well, more specifically, the back window of a car, which my young mind later interpreted as a shark fin. When I was a young child, I asked my mom if she ever had a “shark car”. She didn’t understand. After asking me several questions, to clear up the confusion, she determined that I was talking about her old, tan Pontiac Grandam Am, which she had before I was born, but sold just after my first birthday.

For some reason, I thought that the back window (not the part that rolled down, but the tinier window to the side of it) was shaped a bit like a shark fin, and I remember that the bottom was covered with those little black dots that older cars had on the windows. She told me that it was impossible that I could remember that car, as I was just a baby. But I remember. I can still visualize it from the back seat. I remember the tan interior as well.

I couldn’t find a picture of the exact car (I have no idea what year it was), but this one is pretty close, I think. See? The back window kind of looks like a fin… right? RIGHT?

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Yeah, I think that would probably be my earliest memory.

Thanks for reading, friends!

Jan