The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 2/20/2016 | Shape Up or Ship Out
“Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.”
Dear Self-esteem, can we talk for a minute?
Sorry, you actually don’t have a choice here, so listen up. Everyone around here is getting pretty fed up with how you’ve been acting lately. Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? How about how you made Jan buy all that makeup to cover her acne, even though she knew that it would make it worse? Or how you make her try on every pair of pants that she owns 2 or 3 times before deciding on the pair that makes her look “the least fat”? Or how she sudenly has been feeling the need to wear shirts that cover her butt and thighs, even though she hates how they sit on her belly? Ringing any bells? Stop that shit right now. Oh, does her belly hang over her jeans a bit? Does that shirt color make her skin look red? Quit making her obsess with things like that, you wench. Did you forget that she had a BABY? She’s going to be stuck with that little muffin top for a while, and her hormones are going to be out-of-whack for a bit. Cut it out.
Here’s an idea. How about, instead of making her obsess over her stomach, and her butt, and her thighs, you motivate her to get back on the diet wagon? She was doing awesome, before you reared your ugly head, and made her start feeling hopeless. She lost 25 pounds, Self-esteem. 25 pounds! What have you done with yourself lately, other than make her feel bad? Exactly. So instead of whispering words like “fat”, or “muffin top”, or “tight”, in her ear, you whisper some words of encouragement? Maybe remind her that she weighs less now than she has in years, and that she has successfully lost all of the baby weight, and should be proud of herself, because she’s a badass mamma. Sound good? Great. Shape up, or ship out, bitch. We need to fix what you’ve broken.
Now that that’s taken care of, we need to have a nice chat with Self-control…
The rest of the traits that aren’t assholes.
Thanks for reading, friends. 😉