“You’ve been kidnapped. You can call on the characters from any TV show to be your rescuers. What show do you choose?”
It depends. Who kidnapped me? If it just some random, untrained stooge, then I’d probably call on my good friends from That ’70s Show, which I have been re-watching for the 3rd or 4th time on Netflix. While none of them are particularly strong, each character would bring a unique trait to the table, which may (but probably won’t) help in my rescue. I can see it now…
“Let her go. Let her go, or we’re gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do: use the dark side to our advantage.” ~Eric
“You ass. I bet your dad’s an ass, and you’re an ass, because the ass doesn’t fall too far from the asstree!” ~Donna
“Sounds like someone needs a tickle…” ~Kelso
“Listen to me. This situation has reached critical mass. I’ll give you ten minutes, and if you don’t let her go, you’re gonna to become the first person to touch his chin to his ass.” ~Hyde
“Let her go, you son-of-a-bitch!” ~Fez
[Repeatedly kicks bad guy in the shins.] ~Jackie
“I don’t know your name, but I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass!” ~Red
“What kind of kidnapper kidnaps people on a weeknight? Don’t you have a job to go to in the morning?” ~Kitty
Yep. That sounds good. We won’t count characters like Sam and Randy… because the last season was just awful, and I wish they had never been introduced. Think about it, can you imagine Red just shouting angrily at my captor? Or Fez saying something overtly sexual and creepy? That would just be fantastic! I’m sure I would come out of the situation alive! Maybe…
But, if we’re talking a trained assassin, or a superhuman bad guy, or someone even slightly threatening, then definitely not that band of merry weirdos. In that case, I’d rather have my rescue be an epic crossover between the casts of Arrow and The Flash. The gorgeous Felicity Smoak tracks me down using my phone number, and all those sexy superheroes in their costumes…
No. You know what? I’ve changed my mind. Just send Oliver Queen to rescue me. I just want Oliver. Please.
Who would you pick to come rescue you?
Thanks for reading, friends!
Jan
My Life as Jan 