Tag: frustrated

Struggling

Hello, friends. It’s been a little while since I last sat down to write here, and I don’t have much of an excuse for that, other than laziness, and the ever present thought in my head that begs the question, “Does anyone even care?” Continue reading “Struggling”

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Getting Political | Vlog

This year has been exhausting, and my patience has been growing thin as we get closer and closer to the date. Here, have a video of me rambling in frustration.

Hi, friends. As many of you know (even those outside of the US), next month is when the future of our country will be determined. The big election. Possibly, the biggest election in our history. Continue reading “Getting Political | Vlog”

An Email to My Landlord

Your move, Yanke Realty.

Hello, friends. I thought I would update you a bit on my current apartment situation, as you all know, is absolute crap.

It has now been over two weeks since I called the company that I rent through, Yanke Realty, about our leaking fridge, and was told (very rudely) that it would “be a while” because there is a lack of maintenance employees. Over two weeks though? No. I don’t think so. Well, the linoleum and floor molding trip are now discolored and starting to warp around the side and back fridge, and I am pretty sure we have mold under the floor, as well as on the wall behind the fridge, where the water has been sitting. I can only mop up the water on the front and right side, as the fridge is too heavy to move on my own.

I took pictures of the floor and wall between the fridge and cabinets, as well as the hideous, uncovered panel that was supposed to be plastered over nearly a year ago. I also mentioned about how we called TWICE last summer about getting some screens on our windows, since we have none, and was told someone would come out to measure. Yeah, that never happened. We still have no screens. I mentioned all of this, and attached the photos, in a very long, polite, email to Yanke Realty, pointing out the potential health hazards, damage, and cost that a mold issue could cause, and mentioned quite casually that I will get legal representation if need be, because I am now very familiar with my rights as a renter. I will only communicate with them via email from this point on, and will document everything carefully.

Your move, Yanke Realty.

Here is the email:

“Hello, this is Janise H. from *** **** ****** **, and I am emailing to remind you about our fridge that is still leaking water from the back. I called several weeks ago, and we are still waiting for it to be looked at. I have not heard anything. The linoleum and floor trim is now discolored  and is warping from the reoccurring puddles (I included a picture attached to this email), and I am pretty sure there will be a mold issue beneath the flooring, as well as on the wall. I don’t particularly like mold in my apartment, especially since I have a toddler, so if someone could please come out soon, that would be great.

I also called last summer about getting some screens put in our windows, as there are only two windows with screens in the apartment, and we are unable to open any of the windows due to the numerous wasps, hornets, and spiders around the outside of building. We were told someone was going to come out to measure them, but that never happened. I’m also hoping that we can get this hole in our ceiling patched that has been sitting like this for over a year now (picture also attached picture)… we’ve called about it several times, and nothing has been done about it. While it does not pose any health risks that I know of, it is quite an eyesore, and really should have been covered when the leak was fixed, over a year ago. I’m afraid that if we are facing a mold issue, and it is not taken care of, I will seek legal representation, for the sake of my family’s health and well-being.

Mom’s Visit | Day 2

Hello, friends. I am so exhausted. My mom has been in Illinois for three days now, though we’ve been visiting for two, and I am already emotionally drained. The first day was nice. She got to meet Liam, and the four of us took a road trip, and we all caught up and whatnot (you can read about our first day here)… but yesterday, it was just my mom, Liam, and I… and it didn’t go as well as our first day.

WARNING: This will be a looong blog. Grab a drink, adjust your butt, and go pee now!

To be fair, it was a decent day. It could have been worse. Kyle worked 10-6, so it was literally just my mom and I all day, and I got zero time to myself, or any alone time with my son (which has certainly thrown us for a loop), because she wants to come over early in the morning, and I just don’t have the heart to say no, or make her wait. She came over about an hour before Kyle left, and we all just sat around, chatting politely, and playing with Liam’s blocks. After Kyle left for work, my mom asked if we could go to the park that Liam and I always walk to. I was hesitant, because it was very hot and sunny, and close to Liam’s nap time, but I slathered Liam in sunscreen and we drove there anyway.

Since Liam and I usually walk to the park, we get out of the stroller at the park, and he doesn’t really know the rest of the park. We parked in the parking area, pretty far from the playground. Liam started running away from me, so I grabbed Liam’s hand and said, “The playground is over here, bud.”

My mom then turned to me and said, “Don’t drag him, just let him lead the way.” But her tone… her tone, guys. Like she was scolding me. I ignored it, but it definitely put a damper on my mood. I don’t know why.

Once we finally got to the playground, Liam ran to the swing immediately. As usual, the rest of the playground was in the shade, except for the swing, which was in direct sunlight. I don’t like it, and try to limit his swing time, but it is his favorite. After a few minutes standing by the swing, my mom started complaining about the sun, and saying we should let him go down the slide. I told her that he really only likes the swing, and would fuss if I tried to get him out so soon. She stopped and returned to the shade of the tree.

A few minutes later, she came back and started trying to take pictures, but was getting frustrated because they weren’t coming out right, or Liam wasn’t looking at her… because he was on the swing. Eventually she gave up and went over to the playground, where she proceeded to repeatedly slide down the largest kid’s slide, screaming, “Wheee! Wooo! Yaaay!” at the top of her lungs, and urging Liam, who was still perfectly content in his swing, to come and slide with her.

It was so embarrassing. It reminded me too much of all the embarrassing moments I had endured in high school with her.

A little while later, kiddo gestured for me to take him out of the swing, and my mom thrust her phone at me, and tried to wrestle him into her lap in the grass so she could get a few pictures. He was not too happy about that. He was trying to push her away, but she wouldn’t let him go, and he eventually caved, and we were able to get a few nice pictures. I have told her a dozen times that he will warm up to her eventually, definitely before she leaves, but this was only the second day. He still doesn’t want her holding him, and he especially did not want her restraining him to her lap when he was trying to play. There will be plenty of opportunities to get pictures that won’t involve making him angry.

All day long, she just seemed so impatient with everything. I just kept thinking, you’ve had a child, remember? Do you not remember how toddlers are? Especially with strangers?

Then we went back home. Liam had his lunch, and went down for a nap, and my mom proceeded to drive me absolutely nuts with every word she said.

Me: Mom, I’m making coffee, do you want some?
Mom: Only if it’s already made.
Me: Well, I’m making some now, do you want some?
Mom: Um, well, I don’t want you to go out of your way.
Me: … I’m up. I’m making some. Do. You. Want. Any?
Mom: I mean, I guess…

YOU LOVE COFFEE. YOU ARE AN ADDICT. I AM OFFERING YOU SOMETHING THAT I AM ALREADY MAKING. WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THAT?

Then, instead of sitting in awkward silence for a few hours, I decided to put something on for us to watch.

Me: Do you want to watch something? What kind of shows to you watch?
Mom: I don’t watch TV, I’m too busy.
Me: Okay… what about movies? Want to watch a movie? Netflix has a million.
Mom: Oh, what about American Idol?
Me: Oh, no, they don’t have American Idol…
Mom: Oh… I don’t know then.
Me: Okay. Um, movie then?
Mom: I don’t know.
Me: Well, what movies do you like?
Mom: I don’t know.

She was acting like a pouty toddler, and it was getting frustrating, so I just decided on one of my favorite comedy specials. Everyone loves comedians, right?

Five minutes into the comedian’s special…

Mom: *sigh* She isn’t funny. I don’t like her.
Me: Okay… what do you want to put on then?
Mom: Nothing. I don’t know. This is fine.
Me: Fine.
Mom: *long sigh*

Silence.
*In my head* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Nothing has changed. She is the same as I remember 4 years ago, and 4 years before that. She thinks that everything she says or does is so damn bothersome, that she can’t have any opinions. Any time you say anything against her, even if it is in the politest way possible, she just shuts down, and she gets pouty, and then it becomes bothersome. She thinks you’re constantly angry with her, for no reason. She just can’t act… normal. It’s like we are constantly stuck as strangers, butting heads over everything and nothing, and going nowhere. We don’t even feel like family.

Anyway, we spent most of Liam’s nap in silence, except for when I tried to help my mom work her iPhone, which has been an absolute pain (I hate iPhones!) After about two hours of Liam’s napping, she started saying that she was getting impatient that he was still asleep. I already told her a dozen times that he naps for 2+ hours, but she just kept saying, “Wow, this is the longest nap ever…”

I eventually went in to wake him up, which he was not happy about, and we went to the mall to visit Kyle. She wanted to stop at Dunkin Donuts and get coffee, and something for Kyle and I. I told her I didn’t want anything, which set her off on a pissed off rant about how she brought hundreds of dollars that she wanted to spend on me, and it made her angry that I didn’t let her buy me everything, everywhere. So I told her I would get a smoothie, since that is really the only thing at DD that I like.

Guess what? They were out of yogurt. Yup. My mom was not happy with this at all, and said some snide comments about how, “that never happens at my Dunkin!”. I opted to not get anything, but she got a medium coffee… but then, she didn’t get cream or sugar in her coffee (she didn’t ask for any, she forgot, it was her fault), so went inside in a huff, and ended up getting a large coffee as an apology.

We got to the mall, just as Kyle was taking his lunch break, and the four of us headed to the play area, which was packed with kids, mostly over the age of 5. Almost all of them were too big (according to the height rules) to be in there, and most of them also had their shoes on, and were running around and being a bit reckless. Two moms actually left in a huff because their little ones kept getting bumped or knocked over by these bigger kids, whose parents were paying zero attention to them.

Liam was perfectly content standing by us, as he normally does when there is a lot going on, and watching the other kids. He loves it. He ventured out a few feet at a time, surveying the area, while Kyle told us about his day thus far. Then he had to go back to work, and we were back to three.

Then… this.

A family came in with two young girls, both about 6 years old, and a toddler boy. One of the little girls was in a motorized wheelchair, which she got out of once they were in the play area. My mom, who has zero filter on her mouth, or any idea what is and is not appropriate to say out loud, said the following:

Mom: I see a wheelchair, but there is no one in it.
Me: One of the little girls was in it.
Mom: One of those two in the dresses? They look fine to me.
Me: Just because she looks fine doesn’t mean there isn’t something wrong, mom.
Mom: I’m just saying, don’t spend all your money on a wheelchair like that if there is nothing wrong with your kid.
Me: You don’t know what’s wrong with her. Stop it.
Mom: What? I’m just saying. She looks fine.

Then she proceeded sip her coffee in silence. I was annoyed, and thoroughly embarrassed, because while I don’t think the girl and her parents had heard her, I was certain that other people had.

I cheered on Liam while he climbed around the play area, and my mom continued to sit in silence, watching everyone but her grandson.

The family with the girl in the wheelchair got their stuff together to leave, but as she were leaving, the young girl accidentally bumped another young boy with her chair. He was fine, and didn’t even cry, but her and her parents were very apologetic, even as the boy’s dad comforted them and told them it was perfectly fine. They were all smiles. Everything was fine.

Well, for them. My mom was upset about the whole thing, of course.

Mom: That wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t have their daughter in that unnecessary chair.
Me: Stop.
Mom: What?
Me: Just stop. That’s a very ignorant thing to say. It’s none of our business.
Mom: Fine.

Then we sat in silence, until I picked up our stuff, thoroughly frustrated, and proceeded towards Sears to say goodbye to Kyle. On our trek to the other end of the mall, we passed by several stores again, and she tried to force me to let her buy me stuff, when I had already told her when we passed by the stores the first time that they do not carry my sizes. She was not pleased.

I swear, I’ve had to repeat everything that I’ve said to her at least three times, and answer every question twice. I don’t know if she just isn’t paying any attention to what I’m saying, or she is forgetting it all immediately. Either way, it keeps making her angry with herself, which puts her in a worse mood.

We went to Subway for dinner, the first thing she agreed to eat all day, which was uneventful enough, but then we ended up going back to the mall afterwards, because my mom lectured me again on wanting to spend all her money on me. I tried to look for a pair of decent sneakers that didn’t cost a fortune, since I’ve had mine for years and they are totally worn out, but didn’t have much luck, which only seemed to aggravate her further. It feels like she has been upset with me for no reason on this entire visit thus far. We left empty handed.

She didn’t stay long after dropping Liam and I off back at the apartment, and I am trying to limit how much time we spend together today, because honestly, I think I need a break. I need some space. I politely told her that we could meet up later in the afternoon, after Liam’s nap, because I had some things to take care of. I haven’t cleaned anything in my apartment, or spent any alone time with my son, in days. I just want to sleep, and snuggle, and relax, and breathe.

Hopefully today is better… we’ll see.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Take A Walk With Jan #12 | Vlog

Hello, friends! I am sweaty, sunburnt, and cranky as hell. I am also too lazy to write about it, so here is a quick(ish) vlog telling you why! The video is unedited, obviously. Please excuse my appearance, as I really don’t give a shit about it right now, haha. Oh, and some pictures from our walk today. I forgot to mention that after Liam fell down, he decided to pick up, and throw out, all the sticks in the park.

Enjoy!

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Thanks for reading/watching!

Jan

Daily Prompt 3/12/2016 | Misstep

Seconds later, the sky opened up, and it started to rain. It was not even 1:30. I was so angry, and frustrated, and disappointed… and I knew it was going to get worse once lifted Liam out of the stroller and brought him back inside. He loves being outside. Why didn’t I listen to my gut? Never trust the weather people. They suck.

In response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt | Misstep

Hey, friends. I’m having a rough day today. Well, rough few days. From the time I woke up, to the time I went to bed, I was feeling dizzy and nauseous. I almost fainted in the shower, and had to sit on the floor of the tub for a few minutes with my eyes closed. Luckily, it was Kyle’s day off, so he was here to help me take care of Liam, since I had zero energy, and zero willpower to be alive. I managed to get outside to buy a coffee, and take Liam to the park, and the fresh air and caffeine seemed to help. But as soon as I got home, I felt like the waking dead once again.

Last night, I didn’t sleep. At all. I was having some really bad stomach pains in the upper part of my stomach, which kept waking me up throughout the night, and making me feel like I was going to be sick. The only thing that made the pain lessen slightly was lying on my back with my hands pressed on my stomach. I don’t really enjoy sleeping on my back, so even when the pain wasn’t as bad, I still couldn’t fall asleep.

This morning, Liam woke up much earlier than usual, and was very unhappy that he had to wait for his breakfast, while I sat on my bathroom floor, trying to stop the world from spinning. Needless to say, I’m still not feeling great. My stomach doesn’t hurt as badly, but I am exhausted, and being stuck inside the apartment isn’t helping with that. The forecast for this weekend calls for three days of rain and clouds, but warm temperatures. I checked THREE different weather websites, multiple times throughout the morning, to check when the highest chance of rain was. One website said not until 4:00, another said 6:00, and the last one said not until 10-11:00 at night. I figured it would be alright to spend an hour or so outside. What are the odds that THREE different sites could be wrong about the weather?

After Liam finished his lunch, I got us dressed and ready to head out to the park. Looking out the window, I could see that the sky was gray, but it was a bright gray, and not ominous-looking at all. I grabbed my iPod, hoisted Liam onto my hip, dragged his stroller down the back steps, and started to buckle him in for our walk.

Then, I felt it.

I stopped fiddling with his buckles, and looked over at the large puddle to the side of our yard. I didn’t see any ripples. I thought, maybe, a bug spit on me or something?  It was barely 1:30. There was no way that it was raining. No way, right?

Nope.

Seconds later, the sky opened up, and it started to drizzle. It was not even 1:30! HOW? WHY? I was angry, and frustrated, and disappointed… and I knew it was going to get worse once I lifted Liam out of the stroller and brought him back inside. He loves being outside. Why didn’t I listen to my gut? Never trust the weather people. They suck. Ugh. Sure enough, his eyes narrowed at me as I lifted him back out, dragged the stroller back up the stairs, and stored it away next to the back door. I put him down in the kitchen, and bent to take off his shoes and coat.

He screamed.

He cried.

He stomped his feet.

He tried to pull his coat back on.

That went on for nearly 20 minutes, while I tried to calm him with a snack, and some water, and all of his favorite toys. Nothing helped. So, I collapsed onto the couch, exhausted and nauseous, and waited for him to calm down on his own, so that we could play together. He eventually did, and we built masterpieces with his Mega Bloks and watched some Chuggington. And all was well… except for the nausea, dizziness, stomach pains, exhaustion, and wanting to die.

Question: HOW MUCH MONEY DO METEOROLOGISTS MAKE TO BE THIS WRONG?

Three. Three different websites, three different forecasts, all of them horribly incorrect. How is that possible? Hell, pay me half of what they make, I’ll stand outside for 5 minutes, and give you my best guess of what the weather will be. I’m sure I will be more accurate than these people. Seriously.

Anyway, thanks for reading, friends. I’m going to go sneak in a nap with the kiddo before dinner.

Jan

Just Take A Break, They Said

Warning, I’m about to get a little bitchy.

Continuing with our recent pattern of clingy, fussy, tantrum throwing baby days, today has been no different. Liam went to bed with a little less fuss than normal lately, but woke up a few hours later, thanks to our noisy neighbors. It was hell to get him back to sleep, but when he finally drifted off, he slept through the night.

And then, morning came.

I woke up to his fussing over the monitor, and got up to make him a bottle. I went to his room to give him his bottle, and was greeted by him immediately starting in on a shrieking, wailing fit. Not exactly the first thing I wanted to deal with at 7:00 in the morning. I gave him his bottle, but he only drank a few ounces before tossing it into his crib bars, and continuing with his cries. I quickly picked him up to calm him down, but even that didn’t work. He pushed away from me, flailing his head back dramatically, and cried louder. I sat in the rocking chair with him and bounced him a bit, but that didn’t help either. After several more minutes, I decided that I (as well as my neighbors and sleeping fiance) was going to have to deal with the noise, because this baby needed a change.

More screaming and flailing as I laid him down on the changing table. Kicking and angry grunting as I took off his pants. Rolling and crying as I tried to put a clean diaper on him. I finally got him dressed again, and carried him to the living room, still sniffling a bit, and sat on the couch. I pushed away from me, and immediately dove for my phone, which had fallen out of my pajama pants pocket. I grabbed it from the couch before he could get it. BIG MISTAKE. This brought on yet another tantrum, which lasted a total of 10 minutes, where he picked up his toys that I had just gotten out for him, and threw them angrily. So I picked up his toys, put them all back in his box, and sat on the couch, staring at him until he stopped.

He eventually stopped, and came over to me, smiling, like it never happened. I wiped away my frustrated tears, and turned on Jake and the Neverland Pirates. At this point, Kyle conveniently walked out of his bedroom, stole my blanket, and laid down on the floor to play with Liam, and I got up to make breakfast.

After venting briefly on Facebook about how Kyle is working SIX 12-hour long shifts this week, leaving me 100% alone with our son, and no escape from our apartment, I was bombarded with comments and messages from Kyle’s aunts, grandparents, and mom, all telling me to just “take a break” from Liam.

Are you joking? Liam has never gone more than an hour without me, and even then, he was with Kyle. Who would I leave him with? The only person would be Kyle’s mom, who lives 45 minutes away, and would have to drive here, and stay in our apartment, just so I could… what? Leave the room? Sit in Kyle’s room and stare at the ceiling? Take a nap? Why? I can’t go anywhere, or do anything. And even if leaving was an option, which it isn’t, Liam doesn’t do well with other people. At all. And I can’t do any housework, because if I’m in sight, and not with him, Liam has a conniption. So, what’s the point? I don’t like when people tell me to “take a break” from my son, as if it’s so damn easy. Especially when they know my situation.

I don’t get breaks. I don’t even NEED a break. What I need, is for Kyle’s first job to respect his availability change that he put in MONTHS ago, stop screwing with his hours, and hire more people so that he doesn’t have to work open to close EVERY day this week. I need my partner, and Liam needs his dad, so that I can get something, anything, done in this damn house. Or, ya know, leave the house.

*Sigh*

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

Jan