Three Weeks

Three weeks.

Today marks three weeks since Liam’s cold symptoms started. Three weeks of relentless, all-day fussiness, sleepless nights, horrible congestion, and a non-stop runny nose. We have gone through thousands of tissues, several bottles of Infant’s Tylenol, constantly have his humidifier running, and we are now halfway through his Amoxicillin prescription. No signs of improvement, although the ear ache that he had developed seems to be better (probably due to the Amoxicillin). He doesn’t seem to be getting better at all, and while I have felt better for about a week now, I am completely drained from having to take care of this poor, sick kiddo.

I suppose I have had it easy up to this point. Even as a newborn, he never woke up hourly, or even every other hour, to eat. He slept in 4-5 hour spans during the night, and was sleeping entirely through the night by the time he was 4 months old, unless he was going through a developmental leap. I never really needed to rock him, not even when he had his first cold, at just a few months old. That cold was absolutely nothing compared to this beast. I’m starting to worry that his sickness is developing into something more serious, and I am keeping an eye on this cough. I thought he was getting better, until two days ago, when he started waking up every hour (or more frequently), with horrible coughing fits, and needed to be rocked to sleep. He has been so clingy, both day and night. I can’t do anything. I can’t eat, I can’t bathe, I can’t sit at my desk, without picking him up, or he throws a fit. He never did this.

Is it just a toddler thing? I believe he is also teething. So, there’s that.

Ugh. I am exhausted, completely on edge, and miserable. And I’m willing to bet he feels even worse. I try so hard not to get upset with him when it takes 2-3 hours to get him to fall asleep, or when he wakes me up every hour between 1:00 in the morning and 6:00 in the morning, and needs to be rocked back to sleep every time. I know he is sick, and just wants love and comfort, but it is wearing me out so badly. I think I am going to call his doctor tomorrow and tell her about his new cough, and his lack of improvement all around. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

I just want some relief for the both of us.

Jan

Dream Journal 1/3/16

(I’ve been meaning to write out several entries from my dream journal, and finally have time to do it. Here is the final.)

Present day.

I am walking around a large hobby/craft store with my friend Dominique, who I worked with years ago, and haven’t seen in quite some time. Her little boy, Aaron, was also with us. The store did not have a normal roof, instead, it was a large, transparent dome, and we could see the sunny skies above.

Dominique and I were talking about our ex-boyfriends, and it was really upsetting. I don’t want to go into detail, but things got really deep, and sad. Aaron was talking to a little girl, and brought her over to us and told Dominique that he wanted to marry her. She got upset and shouted at the little girl, telling her that he was only seven years old. She ran away crying, and Dominique started laughing. I looked horrified.

Then, we were in an aisle lined with fake flowers, and there were petals floating down from the dome roof, and it was beautiful. Aaron was angry with Dominique, and was calling her a horrible person and a bitch, and she was ignoring him and picking out flowers, as if nothing had happened.

When we went to check out, the old woman at the counter glared at us, and mumbled something racist (Dominique and Aaron are not white), and Aaron threw his shoe at her face, which set off an alarm. Then we ran out the front door, and got into Dominique’s car, just as a dozen police cruisers pulled up.

Then we drove away, as if it didn’t even happen.

We were driving in the country, Dominique and Aaron were arguing. I think we were going to a park, or maybe a pond… or something.

And then I woke up.