Small Stones 8/7/16

Seven teenagers, sitting beneath a gazebo in the park.

Dream Journal 7/21/16 | Yard Sale

I was pulling an old couch out of a large house, which was presumably mine, and dragging it to the curb. A woman asked me how much I wanted it, and I told her it was trash, and she shrugged and started dragging it away. I starting calling to her, telling her that she couldn’t just take it, but she ignored me. My mom walked out of the house behind me, and asked me what happened. I told her, and said that maybe we should have a yard sale to get rid of all of our old junk, since people apparently wanted it.

Advertisement

High School Memories

Hey, friends. I’ve been meaning to upload a vlog about everything that has been going on lately, but honestly, I’m too depressed. Kyle has been away at school for three days now, and we just found out that his classes actually last five weeks, and not three weeks, like he was originally told. Five weeks, followed by four to six weeks of driving on the road with his instructor. I haven’t been this bored, lonely, or sad, for a very long time. Luckily, I am able to Skype with him for a few minutes after his classes, but I miss him. Liam and I both do.

Dream Journal 6/30/16

I was young again, maybe 11 or 12 years old, and I was camping with all of my grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles, just like we did every other weekend in the summer when I was a kid. We were at a large campground, which was connected to a water park, that we had never been to before. On our first day there, my cousin, Nick, and I woke up really early, because we wanted to go to the church at the campground, and… color. So we walked to the church, but when we went inside, there was some kind of Sunday school thing happening, and a nun yelled at us to leave, and that we weren’t allowed to color until the class was over.

Dream Journal 6/21/16 | Dream #2: Bad Boys

Kyle and I were awoken in the middle of the night by loud hollering and talking outside out bedroom window. I peered through the blinds and saw 3 teenage boys, around 15-16 years old, standing around a car parked on the grass beneath our window. Suddenly, they all turned and stared at me, as I watched them through the blinds. One of the kids flipped me the middle finger, while the others laughed. I walked away from the window and grabbed my phone, ready to call the police. I went to the window to show them that I was going to call the police if they didn’t leave, and one of the kids started taking pictures of me through the window.

Dream Journal 2/28/16

Future.

All I remember is that Kyle, Liam, and I were living in a post-apocalyptic city, which resembled the city from the movie I Am Legend (NYC?). We went walking down a street, littered with old cars, piles of debris, and overgrown plants. Liam was 3 years old or so, and had long, curly hair. I was wearing him in a large, custom baby carrier on my back, which was also equipped with swords, machetes, and all sorts of other weaponry.

I was wearing a torn shirt, which revealed my tummy, which had miraculously developed some hardcore abs. Kyle was shirtless, and had some pretty intense ab action going on as well, as well as a massive gun strapped to his back. We were walking down the empty street, when a large pack of dogs ran by, yet didn’t seem to notice us. I could see the shadow of a large bird fly over us, though it looked more like a pterodactyl. Kyle made a series of hand signals to me, and I shushed Liam, before ducking behind one of the cars on the side of the road. Kyle hid behind a nearby tree, just in time for the large, bird/pterodactyl shadow to circle back around, flying over us again, lower this time. After it was gone, Kyle motioned for me to run, and I ran ahead, and shut Liam and myself into a nearby building. I heard a loud, terrifying siren, like the sirens in Silent Hill, and a few moments later, Kyle was standing in the doorway.

Darkness fell over the city, with nothing but the moon to light the streets. We left the empty house, and headed back outside. Kyle said something about meeting up with the rest of our group at camp, and moments later, we were sneaking into the back of a huge, empty mall. We were greeted by a large man, dressed in a nice suit, who unlocked the padlock to let us in. In the next room was an elderly woman, a two twin boys around 13 years old, a blonde woman, who may have been their mother, and a middle-aged man, who was wearing nothing but dark green swim trunks. They all waved and clapped enthusiastically when we walked in.

The elderly woman was cooking a large turkey over a fire in the middle of the room, and the twins were throwing clothing, straight off of the store racks, onto the fire to keep it going. The middle-aged man was complaining that there wasn’t enough butter for everyone, and the large man offered to make a run to the store to get ingredients to make more, but the other man just kept yelling. The elderly woman threw a chunk of turkey at him, and he stomped away, and everyone laughed.

I offered to go and get butter ingredients with the large man, but Liam started crying, and told me not to go, so the twins offered to go instead. Liam brought me a soccer ball and asked if we could play, and I smiled and walked into the main lobby of the mall…

And then I woke up.

Daily Prompt 2/15/2016 | Working For Free

The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 2/15/2016 | Money for Nothing

“If you’re like most of us, you need to earn money by working for a living. Describe your ultimate job. If you’re in your dream job, tell us all about it — what is it that you love? What fulfills you? If you’re not in your dream job, describe for us what your ultimate job would be.”

My current job title is Super Mom… you may have also heard of the titles Stay-at-Home Mom, or SAHM. Those are the same thing. It’s a pretty demanding job, and includes early mornings, late nights, mandatory overtime, bio-hazardous waste cleanup, and being Chef de Cuisine, mastering the crafts of mac ‘n cheese, broccoli and cheese omelettes, and oatmeal. Did I mention that I perform these various tasks with absolutely no pay? It’s true. My bank account is about as empty as it comes. And I’m okay with that.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, and I even knew that I wanted to have my first child when I was 24 years old, which I did. However, I always thought that I would have had my degree, a house, and decent income by 24 years old as well… and that didn’t happen.

I went to school to study Psychology, something that I have been passionate about since elementary school. I planned to work with children and teenagers in a school setting, or even as a social worker for the state, but specifically for lower income families. Maybe even start my own practice, where people pay only what they can afford. Growing up, I had a hard life. Sure, it could have been worse, but it was hard for me. I dealt with divorce, abuse, poverty, and witnessing my mom’s abuse. It took it’s toll on me, and I ended up developing some severe self-esteem issues by the time I was in elementary school, which carried into middle school, where my grades started suffering, and I developed some self-abusive habits, which worsened as I entered high school. In high school, I made some choices that I wish I hadn’t, and let people take advantage of me. I also came very close to losing someone very close to me to suicide, who ended up making it through, but blamed me for it, and turned my friends against me.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because I want to share with you how helpless and alone I felt. My school did not have any qualified counselors that I could speak to, and I wasn’t close enough with any of my teachers to let them into my life. My mom did not have any sort of insurance, and even though she knew about my issues, she couldn’t afford to get me the help that I needed. I suffered in silence, and my relationships with everyone around me crumbled. I first attempted suicide at 15 years old, then again at 16. I survived, but what if I hadn’t?

I don’t know how my life would be different if I had gotten the help that I needed, and still need, but I feel like I would be more comfortable in my own skin, and would know a bit more about why I am the way I am, and feel the way I feel. Being a teenager is hard, and there is a lot more going on than most would lead you to know. It is important to talk about issues, otherwise they can eat you away from the inside. I needed someone to talk to during those years, and I had no one, and it damaged me. Lower income families, and the children within them, are especially susceptible to bullying, self-esteem issues, and abuse, and help for these kids is not always available, or affordable. I want to change that.

I’ve had a lot of setbacks with school, mostly financial, but I still hold onto that dream. I want to make a difference, to help people, and I truly believe that I will someday.

Thank you for reading, friends.

Jan

Daily Prompt 2/11/2016 | Under My Skin

The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt 2/11/2016 | Quirk of Habit

“Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others.”

Strangely enough, peoples’ various quirks don’t bother me all that much. There are a few things that I would prefer that people refrain from doing around me, but nothing too crazy. I’ve seen people get physically angry at someone smacking their gum, or clicking a pen, or constantly clearing phlegm from their throats (okay, that one is pretty gross though…), but I’m just not one of those people. I’m not perfect, and I know I probably do things that might annoy other peoples, and I’m okay with that.

I do enjoy when people are kind, and do nice things for others, without being given orders to do so. I greatly admire people in the medical community, specifically doctors and nurses, who give up sleep, sanity, and often times family, to help others. I admire volunteers, whether it be once a month at a food kitchen, or every day at an animal shelter. People who sacrifice a little bit from their lives to improve the lives of others. Those people are just wonderful.

So, habits don’t bother me, but I guess you could say certain personalities do. Even certain, tiny aspects of peoples’ personalities. Is that a habit? I actually don’t know. Let me just give you a few examples of things that do get to me, and be warned, this is going to get a bit ranty, and may likely offend someone.

1) When teenage girls refer to a grown man, who is a complete stranger, as “daddy” on the internet, and says things like “fuck me“. I specifically see this on Facebook/Twitter/YouTube, directed at YouTubers, or musicians, etc., and it is SO creepy. Now, I’m no prude, and I’m definitely not going to judge grown men and women who call their partners “mommy” or “daddy“, or any variation of the two, in the bedroom, because that is none of my business. But when a 12-year old girl comments on a 29-year old YouTuber’s Instagram selfie with “OMG daddy fuck me“, I get concerned. Where the hell are the parents? Who is teaching them this? Ugh. That really gets to me. It is just so unhealthy.

Related irks: People who obsessively “ship” two real people, young teenagers writing VERY smutty fanfiction, stalkers.

2) People who blatantly fish for compliments. I’ll be the first to admit that I have low self-esteem, and I know there are many out there who feel the same way about themselves. Recently, on Facebook, a friend of a friend shared an image of a piece of paper that simple said “Share this if your ugly!“. Grammatical error aside, things like this piss me off, because this is 110% for attention. The ONLY reason to post something like this is to get responses like, “Aww, no, you’re beautiful!” but this is the wrong way to do it, and it just irks people, and makes you look insane. The kicker in this situation was that the girl was GORGEOUS, and upon further snooping, I discovered that she is actually a MODEL. Are you joking? No. Just stop.

3) People who constantly butt into other peoples’ issues and problems. As many of you know, we recently had to deal with some stupid, family drama surrounding the Dodge Journey that we received from Kyle’s aunt. Well, as of last night, we got a new car (that gorgeous Lincoln LS), and Kyle’s mom took the Journey off our hands to use as a second vehicle. But just a few days prior, our drama reached a boiling point, when Kyle’s grandmother poked her nose into a matter that did not concern her, and tried to play middle woman, but ended up twisting everything that Kyle said, passing along false information (lies), and ultimately made the whole situation 10000% worse. In the end, Kyle ended up blocking his grandmother, and both of his aunts, and we most likely won’t be attending Christmas this year. Ugh. If a problem has nothing to do with you, then leave it alone. If it is not directly affecting your life, then butt out, and let the other parties sort it out.

And now… the big one. I’ll apologize ahead of time. Sorry.

4) I’m not religious, but I am also not disrespectful towards people tho choose to believe in what they believe in, as long as they are not forcing those beliefs on others in order to control them and their lives. We’re all living on this planet together, and life is too short to hate on someone for believing in something different. With that being said, one of the things that bothers me more than ANYTHING else, is people who use the Bible to justify their hatred of something, i.e. homosexuality, but cherry-pick through the rest of the sins, simply because they want to do them. You all know what I’m talking about. Saying that you hate homosexuality because it is an abomination, because the Bible says so, but being guilty of ANY of the following, makes you a hypocrite:

Divorce/Adultery.
Love of money.
Any of the following dietary abominations: eating shellfish, eating many kinds of birds, eating anything that has many legs, or stands on four legs, and eating and touching PORK!
A woman wearing PANTS.
LYING, guys. That’s a big one!
Arrogance.
Blatantly ignoring the law.
Wearing mixed fabrics.
Getting a HAIRCUT, or shaving your beard.

So, if you’ve done any of those things, which I know you have, guess what? Those are all considered just as sinful as homosexuality. Those are abominations, according to the book that you quote from, to prevent two people who love each other from getting married, or living happily. You can’t pick and choose what things to be an asshole about, just because you like to eat shrimp, and think that two men kissing is icky, or unnatural. Guess what? There are over 1,500 species of animals that display homosexual behavior, and many of these species are older than the human race. You can’t get any more natural than nature, folks. So, I’m sorry, but that just isn’t how it works.

Now, if I remember anything from my time in the Brownies, I seem to recall that the original book was written with no punctuation, and was completely open to interpretation, and has changed so many times throughout the years, to fit the specific beliefs of whomever was interpreting it. If this is correct, then couldn’t it be possible that many of these things, as well as homosexuality, were not originally meant to be labelled as abominations, but the words were misinterpreted as such? Just something to consider.

As I said before, I personally don’t believe in any of this. I lead a life free of religion. I do believe that, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, or infringing on someone’s legal and human rights, then everyone deserves to be happy. But you need to understand that there are so many religions that are practiced on this earth, and not everyone believes in yours, and they all have different rules, which are open to interpretation, and we are all live vastly different lives, and just accept that. Stop thinking that just because someone chooses to believe differently, or acknowledge different things, that you and your beliefs are being threatened. Relax, folks. I do apologize if this offended anyone, but if it did, then maybe you have some things you need to think about?

Anyway, I’m done. Those are some of the big ones for me. I’m not trying to start a debate in the comments, or attack anyone’s beliefs, I’m just trying to tell you things how I see and interpret them.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Jan

Take A walk With Jan #5

I’m sticking true to my word, guys! I promise! It was a balmy 51 degrees outside this afternoon when Liam woke up from his nap, so we went on another walk!

I won’t bore you with all the details, as it was pretty uneventful, aside from a stop at Dollar General to get a bulb syringe for kiddo’s stuffy nose, and an annoying teenage boy catcalling some high school girls. However, I did want to share a few pictures from our stop at the park! We go to the park each time we go for a walk. Half of the time, we only walk through, but sometimes we like to sit on the benches and rest, or use the baby swings. Well, when we went today, we discovered that they had already taken all of the swings down for the winter! I was so disappointed, but then I realized that Liam is 10.5 months old, and he had never been on the actual playground.

So we decided to have some fun!

He had a blast. We played on the tinier of the two playgrounds, which contains three different slides, climbing bars, a merry-go-round, and various other playground things. He had never been on a slide before today, so I decided to take it slow, and let him sit at the top of the middle slide (I was inches away). He seemed to like it, so I grabbed his little hands and pulled him slowly forward. He immediately started squealing with delight. After a few more trips down (one of which was on my lap), we moved to one of the curved slides, which he liked even more.

After several trips down the slide, we headed over to the merry-go-round, where I sat him on my lap, and I slowly turned us with my feet. He wasn’t as audible with his enjoyment, but he had a smile the entire time. I, on the other hand, became quite nauseous, so we had to stop.

Finally, we climbed up onto one of the playground platforms, where we sat and played with the spinning learning panel, and he practiced climbing up and down the little step to the next platform. It was so much fun.

On our way home, we were approached by a teenage girl who was walking her gorgeous Syberian husky through the park. She complimented Liam on his red, plaid hat, and asked if we wanted to pet her dog, who was a very patient, female puppy. Liam LOVES dogs, and she assured me that this dog gets along well with her two younger siblings, so I let him reach out of his stroller to pet the dog on her back, and she was so good! He was absolutely elated. We said goodbye to the girl and her beautiful dog, and continued on our way home, a bit more hurriedly, as it was nearly 4:30, and the sun was setting.

Winter is crazy, man!

I’ve been looking into getting an insulated weather shield for our Graco SnugRide Click Connect 35 Infant Stroller, so that we can continue our walks even when it gets really cold. It has been tricky, since our jogger is pretty large, but I did find this one on Amazon, which claims to be universal. The comments confirm that it should fit our stroller! I’m trying to convince Kyle to buy it for me for Christmas.

Fingers crossed!

I hope you all had a fantastic day. Thanks for reading!

Jan

Take A Walk With Jan

Hello, friends! I took a nice walk around the park today with Li, since it happened to be absolutely gorgeous outside, and I decided to sit down, now that he is asleep, and tell you guys about a few things that I encountered while out on our adventure. Some are negative, some are positive… well, most are negative.

Okay, all of them.

Oh, hey, tree. What happened? You okay?

In the background of that picture, you can see the new high school, which has been under construction for months and month and months. While the school itself is finished (it was finished just days before school started), the front and back parking lots are not. The front and back of the school are still blocked off, and are nothing but gravel and mud, meaning that all of the teachers, students, parents, etc. have to park on the street, on the residential side roads, or in the park/field’s parking lot up the street. Because of this massive clusterfuck, walking or driving anywhere near the school at the start of the school day, after school gets out, or whenever there is a football game (like tonight), is super dangerous.

Did I mention there are no sidewalks? Yeah. No sidewalks.

So, on top of the massive amount of cars parked on both sides of the road making it very narrow (because it is usually a no parking area), I swear, the only people who drive on these roads are teenagers, who can’t drive for shit. It is awful. No matter what time of day it is, I almost always get hit by some little shithead who is driving WAY too fast around the curves, and blaring their music. They usually shout something stupid out the window, or make an obnoxious noise. Not to mention, there is a football game going on tonight, so there were kids, teens, parents, the parents from the other team, etc. all over the road. It was awful.

You could hear ‘Bad Blood’ playing from several blocks away.

Which reminds me, if you EVER honk at someone who is walking with a stroller, for whatever reason, you are a piece of shit. This woman honked at me (and the several people around me who were walking towards the park/field area), and it pissed me off. This seems to happen to us all the time. There are NO sidewalks anywhere in this town, so we had to walk in the road. We were all hugging the curb and practically pressing ourselves against the other cars parked everywhere, she had plenty of room, but wanted to be a horrible human being. Thanks, lady.

Moving on.

We went to the park, but couldn’t really stop to rest anywhere because all FIVE of the gazebo/recreation areas were filled with people who were having barbecues or parties, and nearly all the benches scattered around the park had kids climbing on them. We ended up going to the least populated gazebo area and sitting on the opposite side of the people who were there, and sitting at one of the picnic tables so that I could give Li some Cheerios and drink some water. While we were there, a man came over and started talking to me. It could have been a nice conversation, but he ended up being a bit of a creep. Here’s the conversation.

Guy: Hey, that’s a cute little guy you have.
Me: Oh, thanks.
Guy: You guys just enjoying the weather?
Me: Yeah, it’s gorgeous out, so we decided to go for a walk.
Guy: Oh, yeah, it’s good to stay in shape. That’s good.
Me: Yeah…
*awkward silence where the guy stared at me for 30 seconds*
Guy: He must take after you.
Me: What?
Guy: Your kid, he’s cute, he must take after you.
Me: Oh, thank you.
Guy: You’re cute.
Me: Thanks…
Guy: Oh, your ring is pretty. Does it mean you’re married?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Damn, that’s too bad. *wink*
Me: Well we have to go, it’s almost time for dinner.
Guy: You could have a hot dog or something, we have a ton.
Me: No, thanks.

Then one of the girls who he was with started shouting at him about something and I hurried off. I’m sure he was just trying to be friendly, but it was definitely creepy. He stared too long. Thank goodness for his impatient lady friend.

As we were leaving the park, there was a woman sitting on a bench, yelling at a young toddler, probably around 18 months old, to stop playing in a puddle. She wasn’t getting up to get him though. Just yelling to him. He was ignoring her and getting soaked in the puddle, and it was only 68 degrees out at the time! I felt so bad for him. He was just having fun and getting wet, and she was yelling at him. He didn’t know what was happening.

Then we came home and ate dinner. Liam had mushed peas and black beans. I haven’t eaten since I had a few cheesy bread sticks this morning. I’m starving.

Feed me.

Thanks for reading!

Jan